Thursday, January 31, 2008


I was driving with my three young children one warm
summer evening when a woman in the convertible
ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my
5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom! That lady
isn't wearing a seat belt!'

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his
teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The
opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily
those of his parents.'

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of
the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she
asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.
'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right
now. She's hitting the bottle.'

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself
in the women's locker room. When he was spotted,
the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing
towels and running for cover. The little boy watched
in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter,
haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an
elementary school, I was interrupted by a little
girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at
my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop?'
'Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report.
'My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask
the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her.
'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward
me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van
in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my
K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy
staring in at me 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he
asked. 'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked
at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he
said, 'What'd he do?'

While working for an organization that delivers lunches
to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.
When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned,
'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And why not, darling?'

'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church,
our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly
made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and
his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his versi on of what he thought his father always said:
'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.'

A little girl had just finished her first week of school.
'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother.
'I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!'

A little boy opened the big family bible. He was
fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked
up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an
old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?' With astonishment in
the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's

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