Thursday, January 31, 2008


(This was actually reported by a teacher)

After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school.
One child wrote the following:

We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida . Now they live in a tin box and have
rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles and & get to wear name tags
because they don 't know who they are anymore.

They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats on.

At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting In it. He watches all day so
nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts.

Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night -- early birds.
Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck.

My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.


I was driving with my three young children one warm
summer evening when a woman in the convertible
ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my
5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom! That lady
isn't wearing a seat belt!'

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his
teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The
opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily
those of his parents.'

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of
the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she
asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.
'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right
now. She's hitting the bottle.'

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself
in the women's locker room. When he was spotted,
the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing
towels and running for cover. The little boy watched
in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter,
haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an
elementary school, I was interrupted by a little
girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at
my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop?'
'Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report.
'My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask
the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her.
'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward
me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van
in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my
K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy
staring in at me 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he
asked. 'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked
at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he
said, 'What'd he do?'

While working for an organization that delivers lunches
to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.
When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned,
'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And why not, darling?'

'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church,
our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly
made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and
his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his versi on of what he thought his father always said:
'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.'

A little girl had just finished her first week of school.
'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother.
'I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!'

A little boy opened the big family bible. He was
fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked
up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an
old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?' With astonishment in
the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's

This is really great information

Everyone should take 5 minutes to read this. It may save your life or a loved one's life.


Because of recent abductions

in daylight hours, refresh yourself

of these things to do

in an emergency situation...

This is for you,

and for you to share

with your wife,

your children,

everyone you know.

After reading these 9 crucial tips,

forward them to someone you care about.

It never hurts to be careful

in this crazy world we live in.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do :

The elbow is the strongest point

on your body.

If you are close enough to use it, do!

2. Learned this from a tourist guide

in New Orleans

If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse,


Toss it away from you....

chances are that he is more interested

in your wallet and/or purse than you,

and he will go for the wallet/purse.


3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car,

kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole

and start waving like crazy.

The driver won't see you, but everybody else will.

This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars

after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit

(doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc.


The predator will be watching you, and this

is the perfect opportunity for him to get in

on the passenger side, put a gun to your head,

and tell you where to go.



If someone

is in the car

with a gun

to your head




Instead gun the engine

and speed into anything, wrecking the car.

Your Air Bag will save you.

If the person is in the back seat

they will get the worst of it .

As soon as the car crashes

bail out and run.

It is better than having them find your body

in a remote location.

5. A few notes about getting

into your car in a parking lot,

or parking garage:

A.) Be aware:

look around you,

look into your car,

at the passenger side floor ,

and in the back seat

B.) If you are parked next to a big van,

enter your car from the passenger door.

Most serial killers attack their victims

by pulling them into their vans while the women

are attempting to get into their cars.

C.) Look at the car

parked on the driver's side of your vehicle,

and the passenger side.. If a male is sitting alone

in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back

into the mall, or work, and get a

guard/policeman to walk you back out.

IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator

instead of the stairs.

(Stairwells are horrible places to be alone

and the perfect crime spot.

This is especially true at NIGHT!)

7. If the predator has a gun

and you are not under his control,


The predator will only hit you (a running target)

4 in 100 times; And even then,

it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ.

RUN, Preferably in a zig -zag pattern!

8. As women, we are always trying

to be sympathetic:


It may get you raped, or killed.

Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking,

well educated man, who ALWAYS played

on the sympathies of unsuspecting women.

He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often

asked "for help" into his vehicle or with his vehicle,

which is when he abducted
his next victim.

9. Another Safety Point:

Someone just told me that her friend heard

a crying baby on her porch the night before last,

and she called the police because it was late

and she thought it was weird. The police told her

"Whatever you do, DO NOT

open the door."

The lady then said that it sounded like the baby

had crawled near a window, and she was worried

that it would crawl to the street and get run over.

The policeman said, "We already have a unit on the way,

whatever you do, DO NOT open the door."

He told her that they think a serial killer

has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax

women out of their homes thinking that someone

dropped off a baby He said they have not verified it,

but have had several calls by women saying that

they hear baby's cries outside their doors

when they're home alone at night.

Please pass this on and DO NOT open the door

for a crying baby ----

This e-mail should probably be taken seriously because

the Crying Baby theory was mentioned on

America 's Most Wanted this past Saturday when they profiled

the serial killer in Louisiana

I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know.

It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle.

I was going to send this to the ladies only,

but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc.,

you may want to pass it onto them, as well.

Send this to any woman you know that may need

to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it

and it's better to be safe than sorry..

Four Steps to Memorize a Name

Our names are so important to us. It’s on all our official documents, we answer proudly to it, we even learn to sign it with the flourish we think it merits. It’s flattering when someone remembers it -- and a little offensive when someone doesn’t:

The ability to recall other people's names is not only appreciated, it can also be both personally and professionally beneficial. Nonetheless, whether we meet 10 people or just one or two, we often have trouble remembering names -- despite their cultural importance. This occurs for a variety of reasons:

Names are exchanged at the beginning of a conversation and not at the end, which is when we’d be more likely to recall them. We’re not paying a whole lot of attention, perhaps because we think we have no reason or desire to remember them. Because the names themselves typically don’t mean anything other than to signify that particular person and to give them a "title."

This last reason may be the most significant. A guy tells you his name is John because his father’s name was John. Well, who’s his father to you? Nobody. But if a scrawny guy introduces himself as Fatty and says his parents were big Fatty Arbuckle fans, now we’re getting somewhere.

Normally you won’t be so lucky, so the best method for memorizing the names of others lays in the following 4-step process, alternating reinforcement with the use of mnemonic devices and observational connections.

step 1 Repeat the name in the introduction This is a basic and even obvious first step, but it demands inclusion. Doing so serves as the memory’s first reinforcement of the name, and it also happens to be good etiquette.

Thus, whether it is following an introduction by a third person or the introduction is initiated by you or the other person, repeat their name in a simple, direct way, such as, “Todd, is it?” or “Nice to meet you, Mary.” Don't over-annunciate the name or make it obvious that you are repeating it for memorization purposes. Just make sure that you throw in the name at the beginning of the introduction again, or pepper it throughout your discussion at opportune moments to remind yourself and keep your mind focused on the name.

step 2 Apply a suitable device Your next step is an internal one: Apply a mnemonic device to the name itself in a second effort at reinforcement. Here there are a number of options at your disposal. Which device you choose to use is whatever works best for you. Such a device may be most effective when it isn’t the most obvious, or when it asks your brain to operate in a manner to which it isn’t accustomed. Some options include:

Make a rhyme. Write it down. The simple act of jotting it down can be all you’ll need to memorize a name, although you may consider writing it down with your weaker hand. It won’t look pretty, but it’ll take longer and will demand more concentration. Spell the name backwards in your head. Similar to the aspect of a field sobriety test that asks you to recite the alphabet backwards, doing this requires an unconventional mental action and will have you concentrating on the name fully. step 3 Immediately put the name to work Use the name the first time you address the person beyond the introduction, such as, “So, Todd, Alex tells me…” or “Mary, did you say you went to Penn State?”

Here you run the risk of looking like a moron if you repeatedly use the name -- we’ve all met those people before -- so beyond some necessity, cut it off here until you say goodbye, and then employ the name one last time.

This type of repetition and reinforcement has merit: In the oral tradition of Homer’s Iliad, names are repeated regularly and are sometimes assigned descriptive epithets that help the listener associate certain traits with certain characters.

step 4 Make a physical connection Finally, keep in mind that our visual memory is strong; after all, you hear “I never forget a face” far more often than “I never forget a name.” So, in the final step, give that visual recollection the task of tagging the name together with some conspicuous or prominent aspect. A human face has yet to be born without some hook or tweak on which to hang your observational associations. For example:

Eyes (shape, color, expressiveness or emptiness, shiftiness, intensity); eyebrows (uni-brow, bushy, thin, arched); or a short forehead, a shocking chin, a dramatic double curve of the upper lip (called Cupid’s bow), or any distinguishing feature at all that you can tie to the name.
Should the face fail you, seek out other less ostensibly visual characteristics, such as manner of speaking (accent, lisp, nasal, good diction, loud, soft-spoken) or word choice (pretentious terms, odd synonyms, slang, cursing, using your name in excess).

forget me not

If all else fails, refer back to a Native American tradition used among the Lakota Sioux -- “Sara Sucks-her-lip,” “Neal So-much-nose-hair” or “Diana Doe-eyes” -- in which names were more like descriptions or headings, not simply designations. Names are harder to forget when you’ve visually merged a distinct physical trait to an otherwise forgettable name.

Saturday, January 19, 2008



There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies. Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival.

Check out the things that you can do with it:

The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and Mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.

Have you locked your keys in the car?
Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their cell phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to dri ve your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other 'remote' for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).
Editor's Note: It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a cell phone!'

Hidden Battery Power
Imagine your cell battery is very low. To activate, press the keys
*3370# Your cell will restart with this reserve and the instrument
will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get
charged when you charge your cell next time.

How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?
To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your phone: * # 0 6 # A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. When your phone gets stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get
your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.
And Finally....

Free Directory Service for Cells
Cell phone companies are charging us $1.00 to $1.75 or more for 411 information calls when they don't have to. Most of us do not carry a telephone directory in our vehicle, which makes this situation even more of a problem. When you need to use the 411 information option, simply dial: (800) FREE 411, or (800) 373-3411 without incurring any charge at all. Program this into your cell phone now.

This is the kind of information people don't mind receiving, so pass it on to your family and friends.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

To those of us who have children in our lives

whether they are our own,




or students...

Here is something to make you chuckle.

Whenever your children are out of control,

you can take comfort from the thought that

even God's omnipotence did not extend

to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth,

God created Adam and Eve.

And the first thing he said was

'DON'T !'

'Don't what? '

Adam replied.

'Don't eat the forbidden fruit.'

God said.

'Forbidden fruit?

We have forbidden fruit ?

Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit ! '

'No Way! '

'Yes way !'

'Do NOT eat the fruit! '

said God.

'Why ? '

'Because I am your Father and I said so ! '

God replied,

wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants.

A few minutes later,

God saw His children having an apple break

and He was ticked!

'Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit ? '

God asked.

'Uh huh,'

Adam replied.

'Then why did you? '

said the Father.

'I don't know,

said Eve.

'She started it! '

Adam said.

'Did not! '

'Did too! '


Having had it with the two of them,

God's punishment was that Adam and Eve

should have children of their own.

Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.


If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it,

don't be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble raising children,

what makes you think it would be

a piece of cake for you?


1. You spend the first two years of their life

teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend

the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God's reward

for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why

some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you.

In fact,

they usually repeat word for word

what you shouldn't have said.

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties

is to remind yourself that there are children

more awful than your own.

6. We childproofed our homes,

but they are still getting in.


Be nice to your kids.

They will choose your

nursing home one day.








Friday, January 11, 2008

Can I borrow $25?

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year
old son waiting for him at the door.

SON: 'Daddy, may I ask you a question?'
DAD: 'Yeah sure, what it is?' replied the man.
SON: 'Daddy, how much do you make an hour?'
DAD: 'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?' the
man said angrily.
SON: 'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an
DAD: 'If you must know, I make $50 an hour.'
SON: 'Oh,' the little boy replied, with his head down.
SON: 'Daddy, may I please borrow $25?'

The father was furious, 'If the only reason you asked that is so you
can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then
you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why
you are being so selfish. I don't work hard everyday for such childish
frivolity's.' The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's
questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money? After
about an hour or so, the man had calmed down , and started to think:
Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $25.00 and
he really didn't ask for money very often. The man went to the door of
the little boy's room and opened the door. 'Are you asleep, son?' He
asked. 'No daddy, I'm awake,' replied the boy. 'I've been thinking,
maybe I was too hard on you earlier' said the man. 'It's been a long
day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $25 you
asked for.'

The little boy sat straight up, smiling. 'Oh, thank you daddy!'
He yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled
up bills. The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get
angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then
looked up at his father. 'Why do you want more money if you already
have some?' the father grumbled. Because I didn't have enough, but now
I do,' the little boy replied. 'Daddy, I have $50 now. Can I buy an
hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to
have dinner with you.'

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he
begged for his forgiveness. It's just a short reminder to all of you
working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our
fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to
us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $50 worth of
your time with someone you love.

If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily
replace us in a matter of hours. But the family & friends we leave
behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.

Can I Borrow $25?

"Love is like a river, never ending as it flows, but gets greater with time!"

God Bless

Sunset at the North Pole

Sunset at the North Pole

A scene you will probably never get to see, so take a moment and
enjoy it.

This is the sunset at the North Pole with the moon at its closest

And, you also see the sun below the moon.

The Chinese have a saying that goes something like this:

"When someone shares with you something of value, you have an
obligation to share it with others!"

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

New Years Wishes 2008

Happy New Year.

May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your cardiologist, your gastro-enterologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist, your plumber and the I.R.S.

May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs and your stocks not fall; and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count and your mortgage interest not rise.

May New Year's Eve find you seated around the table, together with your beloved family and cherished friends. May you find the food better, the environment quieter, the cost much cheaper, and the pleasure much more fulfilling than anything else you might ordinarily do that night.

May what you see in the mirror delight you, and what others see in you delight them. May someone love you enough to forgive your faults, be blind to your blemishes, and tell the world about your virtues.

May the telemarketers wait to make their sales calls until you finish dinner, may the commercials on TV not be louder than the program you have been watching, and may your check book and your budget balance - and include generous amounts for charity.

May you remember to say "I love you" at least once a day to your spouse, your child, your parent, your siblings; but not to your secretary, your nurse, your masseuse, your hairdresser or your tennis instructor.

And may we live in a world at peace and with the awareness of God's love in every sunset, every flower's unfolding petals, every baby's smile, every lover's kiss, and every wonderful, astonishing, miraculous beat of our heart.

Twinkies and Root Beer

Twinkies and Root Beer

A little boy wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with Twinkies and a six-pack of Root Beer and he started his journey

When he had gone about three blocks, he met an elderly man. The man was sitting in the park just feeding some pigeons.

The boy sat down next to him and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the man looked hungry, so he offered him a Twinkie.

The man gratefully accepted it and smiled at boy. His smile was so pleasant that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered him a root beer.

Again, the man smiled at him. The boy was delighted! They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word.

As it grew dark, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave, but before he had gone more than a few steps, he turned around, ran back to the man, and gave him a hug. The man gave him his biggest smile ever.

When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later, his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked him, "What did you do today that made you so happy?

"He replied, "I had lunch with God." But before his mother could respond, he added, "You know what? God's got the most beautiful smile I've ever seen!"

Meanwhile, the elderly man, also radiant with joy, returned to his home. His son was stunned by the look of peace on his face and he asked," Dad, what did you do today that made you so happy?"

He replied, "I ate Twinkies in the park with God." However, before his son responded, he added," You know, he's much younger than I expected."

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Embrace all equally!

~author unknown~

Christmas with Louise

This is an article submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinner. This won first prize.

Christmas with Louise

As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.

One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself.

I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?" "You're kidding me!" "Who would buy that?" Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour. Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for "Lovable Louise." She was at the bottom of the price scale.

To call Louise a "doll" took a huge leap of imagination. On Christmas Eve with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.

The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.

My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What the hell is that?" she asked. My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll." "Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped. I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. "Where are her clothes?", Granny continued. "Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran," Jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?" Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny, Hang on!"

My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, " Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I told him she was Jay's friend. A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.

The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants and Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car. It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.

Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health. Louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. I think Grandpa still calls her whenever he can get out of the house.