A Mother's Wisdom

ATTORNEY'S ADVICE - Print and save for reference

2011-01-13T07:34:00.000-08:00

In this time of fraud and identity theft, it's better to be prepared. Here is some useful info.

ATTORNEY'S ADVICE - NO CHARGE

Read this and make a copy for your files in case you need to refer to it someday. Maybe we should all take some of his advice! A corporate attorney sent the following out to the employees in his company:

1. Do not sign the back of your credit cards. Instead, put 'PHOTO ID REQUIRED.'

2. When you are writing checks to pay on your credit card accounts, DO NOT put the complete account number on the 'For' line. Instead, just put the last four numbers. The credit card company knows the rest of the number, and anyone who might be handling your check as it passes through all the check processing channels won't have access to it.

3. Put your work phone # on your checks instead of your home phone. If you have a PO Box use that instead of your home address. If you do not have a PO Box, use your work address. Never have your SS# printed on your checks. (DUH!) You can add it if it is necessary. But if you have It printed, anyone can get it.

4. Place the contents of your wallet on photocopy machine. Do both sides of each license, credit card, etc. You will know what you had in your wallet and all of the account numbers and phone numbers to call and cancel.. Keep the photocopy in a safe place.

I also carry a photocopy of my passport when I travel either here or abroad. We've all heard horror stories about fraud that's committed on us in stealing a Name, address, Social Security number, credit cards..

Unfortunately, I, an attorney, have firsthand knowledge because my wallet was stolen last month. Within a week, the thieves ordered an expensive monthly cell phone package, applied for a VISA credit card, had a credit line approved to buy a Gateway computer, received a PIN number from DMV to change my driving record information online, and more.

But here's some critical information to limit the damage in case this happens to you or someone you know:

5. We have been told we should cancel our credit cards immediately. But the key is having the toll free numbers and your card numbers handy so you know whom to call. Keep those where you can find them.

6. File a police report immediately in the jurisdiction where your credit cards, etc., were stolen. This proves to credit providers you were diligent, and this is a first step toward an investigation (if there ever is one).

But here's what is perhaps most important of all: (I never even thought to do this.)

7. Call the 3 national credit reporting organizations immediately to place a fraud alert on your name and also call the Social Security fraud line number.. I had never heard of doing that until advised by a bank that called to tell me an application for credit was made over the Internet in my name.

The alert means any company that checks your credit knows your information was stolen, and they have to contact you by phone to authorize new credit..

By the time I was advised to do this, almost two weeks after the theft, all the damage had been done. There are records of all the credit checks initiated by the thieves' purchases, none of which I knew about before placing the alert. Since then, no additional damage has been done, and the thieves threw my wallet away this weekend (someone turned it in). It seems to have stopped them dead in their tracks..

Now, here are the numbers you always need to contact about your wallet, if it has been stolen:

1.) Equifax: 1-800-525-6285 1-800-525-6285

2.) Experian (formerly TRW): 1-888-397-3742 1-888-397-3742

3.) Trans Union : 1-800-680 7289 1-800-680 7289

4.) Social Security Administration (fraud line):
1-800-269-0271 1-800-269-0271

VISIT THE CREDIT RESTORATION ASSOCIATES WEBSITE:

Back to the CRA blog homepage:
Credit Repair Va:
CRA Resources:
Credit Repair:
About CRA:

The Minister's Wife

2010-11-05T15:44:00.000-07:00

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack.

The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I've Arrived

Date: April 27, 2009

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in.

I've seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!!!! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P. S. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!!

Credit Repair va

The Charlie Schulz Philosophy

2010-08-30T07:01:00.000-07:00

(This is marvelous!! Scroll thru slowly and read carefully to receive and enjoy full effect.)

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schulz, the creator of the 'Peanuts' comic strip.

You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just ponder on them. Read the post straight through, and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America pageant.

4 Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.

6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday.

These are no second-rate achievers.

They are the best in their fields.

But the applause dies..

Awards tarnish.

Achievements are forgotten.

Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special!!

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier?

The lesson:

The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials...

the most money...or the most awards.

They simply are the ones who care the most.

Pass this on to those people who have made a difference in your life, like I did.

'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia!'

''Be Yourself. Everyone Else Is Taken!"

Credit Repair va

5 Ways To Kill Your Credit Scores

2009-11-24T09:45:00.000-08:00

By Liz Pulliam Weston

One of the questions I'm asked most often about credit scores is exactly how much certain actions affect people's scores.

What good is a good credit score?

Until now, the best I could do was say, "It depends." That's because the company that created the leading credit score, the FICO, has been wary about releasing specifics.

Fortunately, that just changed. At my request and for the first time, the company (also known as FICO) has released details about how specific actions, from maxing out a credit card to filing for bankruptcy, can affect people with different credit scores.

I asked the company to compute the results of those actions for two examples: a person with a 780 score, which is an excellent score on the 300-to-850 FICO scale, and someone with a 680 score. The results:

Effect on a 680 score Effect on a 780 score

Maxed-out card
-10 to -30
-25 to -45

30-day late payment
-60 to -80
-90 to -110

Debt settlement
-45 to -65
-105 to -125

Foreclosure
-85 to -105
-140 to -160

Bankruptcy
-130 to -150
-220 to -240

Source: FICO

The results are given in a range because FICO is still a little nervous about revealing too much about its proprietary scoring. But the range is fairly tight, and we can clearly see the disparate impacts of the different actions.

A Guide, Not a Guarantee.

Before we go further, I have to make this clear: Your mileage may vary.

People with the same credit score can have very different credit profiles: more or fewer accounts, a different mix of accounts, a longer or shorter credit history, use of more or less of their available credit, etc.

Because of those differences, the same action -- maxing out a card, say -- can have different effects on people with the same score, depending on the details of their individual credit profiles.

For the sake of this exercise, FICO assumed both people had several active major credit cards as well as a mortgage, a car loan and student loans.

The person with the 780 score:

Has at least 10 credit accounts in total and a 15-year credit history.
Uses 15% to 25% of her credit card limits.
Has no late payments on her credit reports.
Has no collection accounts or other major negatives.
The person with the 680 score:

Has six credit accounts and an eight-year credit history.
Uses 40% to 50% of her credit card limits.
Was 90 days late on an account two years ago.
Was 30 days late on another account one year ago.

Here's what you need to know about each action and the effect it had:

1. Maxing out a credit card

Using 100% of your limit on any credit card puts you at risk of over-limit fees. It also takes a bite out of your credit score.

Our person with the 680 score might lose 10 to 30 points from this one action, while the 780 scorer could shed 25 to 45 points.

The difference points up an important fact: The higher your score, the more points you tend to lose from "bad" actions. That's because the scoring formula is sensitive to any sign you're getting in over your head. Maxing out a credit card is considered one of those signs.

You also should know that it typically doesn't matter to the formula if you carry a balance or pay off that maxed-out card as soon as you get your statement. What's usually reported to the credit bureaus is the balance on your last statement. Even if you pay the debt in full before the due date, the maxed-out card will hurt your score.

2. Skipping a payment

Mailing a payment a few days late normally won't hurt your score, although you may incur late fees and trigger higher interest rates. The big hurt comes when you miss a payment cycle entirely.

A 30-day-late report would shave 60 to 80 points from our lower-scoring person and 90 to 110 points from our higher scorer. In other words, one lapse of attention could plunge the 680-scorer into subprime credit territory, and our 780-scorer could find credit much harder to get and more expensive.

This is why it's so important to set up automatic payments to ensure your bills get paid on time, all the time. With credit cards, you can set up automatic payments that take the minimum payment out of your checking account to ward against a late payment. You can always make a second payment that reduces your debt or pays it off entirely. You can sign up for automatic payments on the Web site of your card issuer.

3. Settling a credit card debt

All the advertisements about "settling your debt for pennies on the dollar" make debt settlement sound like a great solution. But failing to pay what you owe a creditor will take a serious toll on your score.

The 680 scorer would lose 45 to 65 points with this maneuver, while the 780 scorer would shed 105 to 125 points.

Our scenario assumed that our borrowers would miss one payment before settling the debt with their credit card companies. In reality, debt settlement negotiations can drag on much longer, with each missed payment taking another chunk out of your score.

Settling a debt with a collection agency would hurt less, probably much less, because the FICO formula is set up to weigh more heavily what the original creditor says about you than what a collection agency reports. But if our borrowers were settling with a collection agency instead, their scores would be lower to begin with, because they would have collection accounts on their records.

Also, you should know that the amount of debt your creditor "forgives" in a debt settlement solution is typically added to your taxable income. So you may save some money by settling a debt, but you'll give some of it back to Uncle Sam in higher taxes.

4. Losing a property to foreclosure

Foreclosure deals a severe blow to your credit score: 85 to 105 points for our person with the 680 score and 140 to 160 points for the one with the 780 score.

Foreclosures have implications for your future ability to get a mortgage as well. Although your score may start to improve as soon as the house is gone, mortgage lenders may not be willing to extend you another home loan until two to four years have elapsed.

In an attempt to protect their credit, many people attempt short sales, selling their houses for less than what's owed, with the lenders' permission. Unfortunately, these transactions, even if successful, are often reported as settlements. And a settlement, as you've seen, is pretty bad for credit scores.

To lenders, a short sale isn’t quite as bad as a foreclosure, though, and it may be easier to get another mortgage once you’ve rebuilt your credit.

5. Filing for bankruptcy

FICO spokesman Craig Watts once called bankruptcy the nuclear bomb of credit actions. Filing for bankruptcy would shave 130 to 150 points from the 680 score and 220 to 240 points from the 780 score.

This is different from the other black marks, where the higher scorer was still left with better numbers than the lower scorer. In this case, both would wind up near the bottom of the credit barrel. Getting new credit, particularly in the current credit-crunch environment, would be extremely tough.

Sometimes, of course, bankruptcy is the best of bad options. (See "Quiz: Should you file for bankruptcy?") But if you can't pay your bills, you should at least explore the other possibilities: forbearance, credit counseling or even debt settlement.

Finally, if you have any of these five black marks on your record, remember two things: The impact on your score may differ from what's shown above, and regardless of how many points you lost, you can rebuild your FICO score over time.

You can buy your Equifax or TransUnion FICO score from MyFICO.com. (Experian no longer sells FICO scores to consumers, although it continues to sell the scores to lenders.) With paid scores, you'll get specific advice about how to improve your numbers.

myFICO May Sale - Save 20% on FICO scores & credit reports

In general, when you're trying to build a credit score, you should:

1. Pay your bills on time, all the time.

2. Reduce your credit utilization; below 30% is good, below 10% is better.

3. Have a mix of credit on your reports, including installment loans (mortgages, auto loans and personal loans) and revolving accounts (credit cards and lines of credit).

4. Refrain from closing accounts.

5. Apply for new credit sparingly.

Tags: Automotive Finance, F&I, Finance & Insurance,
Credit Repair va

ATTORNEY'S ADVICE - NO CHARGE

2009-09-14T12:21:00.000-07:00

Not A Joke!!

Even If you dislike attorneys..You will love them for these tips.

Read this and make a copy for your files in case you need to refer to it someday. Maybe we should all take some of his advice! A corporate attorney sent the following out to the employees in his company:

1. Do not sign the back of your credit cards. Instead, put 'PHOTO ID REQUIRED.'

2. When you are writing checks to pay on your credit card accounts, DO NOT put the complete account number on the 'For' line. Instead, just put the last four numbers. The credit card company knows the rest of the number, and anyone who might be handling your check as it passes through all the check processing channels won't have access to it.

3. Put your work phone # on your checks instead of your home phone. If you have a PO Box use that instead of your home address. If you do not have a PO Box, use your work address. Never have your SS# printed on your checks. (DUH!) You can add it if it is necessary. But if you have It printed, anyone can get it.

4. Place the contents of your wallet on a photocopy machine. Do both sides of each license, credit card, etc. You will know what you had in your wallet and all of the account numbers and phone numbers to call and cancel.. Keep the photocopy in a safe place.

I also carry a photocopy of my passport when I travel either here or abroad. We've all heard horror stories about fraud that's committed on us in stealing a Name, address, Social Security number, credit cards..

Unfortunately, I, an attorney, have first hand knowledge because my wallet was stolen last month. Within a week, the thieves ordered an expensive monthly cell phone package, applied for a VISA credit card, had a credit line approved to buy a Gateway computer, received a PIN number from DMV to change my driving record information online, and more.

But here's some critical information to limit the damage in case this happens to you or someone you know:

5. We have been told we should cancel our credit cards immediately. But the key is having the toll free numbers and your card numbers handy so you know whom to call. Keep those where you can find them.

6. File a police report immediately in the jurisdiction where your credit cards, etc., were stolen. This proves to credit providers you were diligent, and this is a first step toward an investigation (if there ever is one).

But here's what is perhaps most important of all: (I never even thought to do this.)

7. Call the 3 national credit reporting organizations immediately to place a fraud alert on your name and also call the Social Security fraud line number.. I had never heard of doing that until advised by a bank that called to tell me an application for credit was made over the Internet in my name.

The alert means any company that checks your credit knows your information was stolen, and they have to contact you by phone to authorize new credit..

By the time I was advised to do this, almost two weeks after the theft, all the damage had been done.

There are records of all the credit checks initiated by the thieves' purchases, none of which I knew about before placing the alert.

Since then, no additional damage has been done, and the thieves threw my wallet away this weekend (someone turned it in). It seems to have stopped them dead in their tracks..

Now, here are the numbers you always need to contact about your wallet, if it has been stolen:

1.) Equifax: 1-800-525-6285

2.) Experian (formerly TRW): 1-888-397-3742

3.) Trans Union : 1-800-680 7289

4.) Social Security Administration (fraud line):
1-800-269-0271

We pass along jokes on the Internet; we pass along just about everything.

If you are willing to pass this information along, it could really help someone that you care about.

GO TO THE MOTHER'S WISDOM HOMEPAGE:

__________________________________________________

Tags: F&I blog, Credit Repair, credit repair va, credit repair blog

Always Pick Up Pennies - A New Perspective

2009-08-25T11:04:00.000-07:00

You always hear the usual stories of pennies on the sidewalk being good luck, gifts from angels, etc. This is the first time I've ever heard this twist on the story. Gives you something to think about.....

Several years ago, a friend of mine and her husband were invited to spend the weekend at the husband's employer's home. My friend, Arlene, was nervous about the weekend. The boss was very wealthy, with a fine home on the waterway, and cars costing more than her house.

The first day and evening went well, and Arlene was delighted to have this rare glimpse into how the very wealthy live. The husband's employer was quite generous as a host, and took them to the finest restaurants. Arlene knew she would never have the opportunity to indulge in this kind of extravagance again, so was enjoying herself immensely.

As the three of them were about to enter an exclusive restaurant that evening, the boss was walking slightly ahead of Arlene and her husband. He stopped suddenly, looking down on the pavement for a long, silent moment.

Arlene wondered if she was supposed to pass him. There was nothing on the ground except a single darkened penny that someone had dropped, and a few cigarette butts. Still silent, the man reached down and picked up the penny.
He held it up and smiled, then put it in his pocket as if he had found a great treasure. How absurd! What need did this man have for a single penny? Why would he even take the time to stop and pick it up?

Throughout dinner, the entire scene nagged at her. Finally, she could stand it no longer. She casually mention ed that her daughter once had a coin collection, and asked if the penny he had found had been of some value. A smile crept across the man's face as he reached into his pocket for the penny and held it out for her to see.. She had seen many pennies before! What was the point of this? 'Look at it,' he said. 'Read what it says.' She read the words ' United States of America .' 'No, not that; read further.'
'One cent?' 'No, keep reading.'
'In God we Trust?' 'Yes!' 'And.... ?'

He explained, 'And if I trust in God, the name of God is holy, even on a coin. Whenever I find a coin I see that inscription. It is written on every single United States coin, but we never seem to notice it! God drops a message right in front of me telling me to trust Him. Who am I to pass it by? When I see a coin, I pray, I stop to see if my trust IS in God at that moment. I pick the coin up as my response to God; that I do trust in Him. For a short time, at least, I cherish it as if it were gold. I think it is God's way of starting a conversation with me. Lucky for me, God is patient and pennies are plentiful! '

When I was out shopping today, I found a penny on the sidewalk. I stopped and picked it up, and realized that I had been worrying and fretting in my mind about things I cannot change. I read the words, 'In God We Trust,' and had to laugh. Yes, God, I get the message.

It seems that I have been finding an inordinate number of pennies in the last few months, but then, pennies are plentiful! And, God is patient..

===================

Thought for today:

If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it..
If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.
He sends you flowers every spring.
He sends you a sunrise every morning
Face it, friend - He is crazy about you!

Send this to every 'beautiful person' you wish to bless.

GO TO THE MOTHER'S WISDOM HOMEPAGE:

__________________________________________________

Tags: F&I blog, Credit Repair, credit repair va, credit repair blog

Church Bulletin Mistakes

2009-07-14T09:09:00.000-07:00

The Fasting & Prayer Conference will include meals.
--------------------------

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
--------------------------

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
--------------------------

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
--------------------------

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
------------------------

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
--------------------------

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
--------------------------

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
--------------------------

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.

GO TO THE MOTHER'S WISDOM HOMEPAGE:

__________________________________________________

Tags: F&I blog, Credit Repair, credit repair va, credit repair blog

To All The Kids Who Survived The 1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's

2009-06-30T06:15:00.000-07:00

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-base paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps not helmets on our heads.

As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes.

Riding in the back of a pick- up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and no one actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar. And, we weren't overweight. WHY?

Because we were always outside playing....that's why!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And, we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride them down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times,we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's and X-boxes. There were no video games, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet and no chat rooms. WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did 0A not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them.

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.

Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever.

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.

If YOU are one of them? CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good.

While you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave and lucky their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it ?

GO TO THE MOTHER'S WISDOM HOMEPAGE:

__________________________________________________

Tags: F&I blog, Credit Repair, credit repair va, credit repair blog

How to Wash a Toilet

2009-04-30T13:58:00.001-07:00

1 . Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash' and rinse'.

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, And run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely,

The Dog

GO TO THE MOTHER'S WISDOM HOMEPAGE:

__________________________________________________

Tags: F&I blog, Credit Repair, credit repair va, credit repair blog

DAD AT THE MALL

2009-04-12T18:08:00.001-07:00

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 92).

We decided to grab a bite at the food court.

I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.... The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue.

My dad kept staring at him.

The teenager would look and find him staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response.

"Got drunk once, and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

GO TO THE MOTHER'S WISDOM HOMEPAGE:

__________________________________________________

Tags: F&I blog, Credit Repair, credit repair va, credit repair blog

AN ATHEIST IN THE WOODS

2009-03-31T09:56:00.000-07:00

An atheist was walking through the woods.

'What majestic trees!

'What powerful rivers!

'What beautiful animals!

He said to himself...

As he was walking alongside the river,he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him..

He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer.

He tripped & fell on the ground.

He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant the Atheist cried out,

'Oh my God!'

Time Stopped.

The bear froze.

The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.

'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.'

'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?

Am I to count you as a believer?

The atheist looked directly into the light, 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian'?

'Very well,' said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:

'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.'

GO TO THE MOTHER'S WISDOM HOMEPAGE:

__________________________________________________

Tags: F&I blog, Credit Repair, credit repair va, credit repair blog

The Miracle of Personal Development

2009-02-28T07:59:00.000-08:00

by Jim Rohn

One day Mr. Shoaff said, "Jim, if you want to be wealthy and happy, learn this lesson well: Learn to work harder on yourself than you do on your job."

Since that time I've been working on my own personal development. And I must admit that this has been the most challenging assignment of all. This business of personal development lasts a lifetime.

You see, what you become is far more important than what you get. The important question to ask on the job is not, "What am I getting?" Instead, you should ask, "What am I becoming?" Getting and becoming are like Siamese twins: What you become directly influences what you get.

Think of it this way: Most of what you have today you have attracted by becoming the person you are today.

I've also found that income rarely exceeds personal development. Sometimes income takes a lucky jump, but unless you learn to handle the responsibilities that come with it, it will usually shrink back to the amount you can handle.

If someone hands you a million dollars, you'd better hurry up and become a millionaire. A very rich man once said, "If you took all the money in the world and divided it equally among everybody, it would soon be back in the same pockets it was before."

It is hard to keep that which has not been obtained through personal development

So here's the great axiom of life:

--TO HAVE MORE THAN YOU'VE GOT, BECOME MORE THAN YOU ARE--

This is where you should focus most of your attention. Otherwise, you just might have to contend with the axiom of not changing, which is:

--UNLESS YOU CHANGE HOW YOU ARE, YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE WHAT YOU'VE GOT--

To Your Success,
Jim Rohn

Pink Dreams and Cadillac Wishes,

Nancy LaPlante: When your passion and your purpose are greater than your fear and excuses, you will find a way! ~ author unknown

GO TO THE MOTHER'S WISDOM HOMEPAGE:

__________________________________________________

Check out: The Chronicles of Barack Obama, Good Credit Restoration, Credit Repair, f&i, Credit Repiar Blog, f&i blog

Real Mothers

2009-01-19T19:03:00.001-08:00

Real Mothers don't eat quiche; they don't have time to make it.

Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils are probably in the sandbox.

Real Mothers often have sticky floors, filthy ovens and happy kids.

Real Mothers know that dried play dough doesn't come out of carpets.

Real Mothers don't want to know what the vacuum just sucked up.

Real Mothers sometimes ask 'Why me?' and get their answer when a little
voice says, 'Because I love you best.'

Real Mothers know that a child's growth is not measured by height or years
or grade...It is marked by the progression of Mommy to Mom to Mother...

The Images of Mother

4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mommy can do anything!
8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!
12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.
14 YEARS OF AGE - Natu rally, Mother doesn't know that, either.
16 YEARS OF AGE - Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.
18 YEARS OF AGE - Th at old woman? She's way out of date!
25 YEARS OF AGE - Well, she might know a little bit about it!
35 YEARS OF AGE - Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.
45 YEARS OF AGE - Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?
65 YEARS OF AGE - Wish I could talk it over with Mom.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the do or way to her heart, the place where love resides. The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!

GO TO THE MOTHER'S WISDOM HOMEPAGE:

__________________________________________________

Check out: The Chronicles of Barack Obama, Credit Repair va, Credit Repair nc, f&i, Credit Repiar Blog, F&I Manager Blog

What if John McCain had been elected president?

2008-12-24T20:33:00.000-08:00

Before we throw Barack Obama under the bus for giving a prominent role to a conservative pastor, let’s imagine the reaction if things were reversed.

By Chris Crain

What if John McCain had been elected president? I know the idea is a bit of a throwback, considering the shellacking the Arizona septuagenarian got from the Illinois senator with the funny name. But just imagine for a minute.

Conservatives would be gleeful, Sarah Palin would be on cable news 24-7 (actually, that happened anyway), and President-elect McCain would be planning his inauguration. Then imagine, in a conciliatory gesture toward Obama supporters, McCain selects Gene Robinson, the openly gay Episcopal bishop, to give the invocation. In a nod to his own supporters, he chooses the evangelical leader Rick Warren to give the benediction.

We know what the response would be. The Republican right would be furious: What a kick in the teeth from McCain to choose a minister whose elevation was an indictment of their core religious beliefs, and who advocates the destruction of traditional marriage and the murder of millions of aborted fetuses!

Gay rights groups and bloggers, still reeling from Obama’s unexpected defeat, would be cheered by McCain’s unexpected and courageous attempt at reconciliation. Press releases from progressives would defend McCain against charges of betrayal, chastising conservatives for their intolerance and their insistence on dividing, not unifying. Besides, they would point out, the benediction will come from Rick Warren, who opposes gay marriage and supported Proposition 8 in California.

You see where I’m going here? We know that, happily for us, history unfolded in opposite fashion, and Barack Obama chose Rick Warren to give his inaugural invocation, and civil rights hero Joseph Lowery, who supports full marriage equality, to say the benediction.

Yet the response from many gay bloggers and rights groups has been every bit as reactionary and intolerant as the Republican right would have been toward Robinson. Aren’t we better than that?

Can’t we see how any meaningful attempt by President-elect Obama to unify the country must include McCain voters, including the 31 million who bought Warren’s best-seller “The Purpose-Driven Life,” and the additional millions who agree with gay marriage opposition?

Can’t we keep our eyes on the prize? This inauguration will install the most pro-gay president, by far, in the history of this country. If reaching out to conservatives buys Obama some additional political capital, that is to our great benefit.

Aren’t we the ones who have argued till we are blue in the face for the separation of church and state? It’s always been a core part of our movement to oppose any attempt by one set of Americans to demand their religious views receive official favor, or that those with contrary views be excluded.

And yet here we are, basically demanding the president-elect remove one minister from his role in a public ceremony because of his religious beliefs and replace him with one whose beliefs we find more acceptable. Are we proving we are no better, when we have access to power, than our conservative opponents?

The misuse of public ceremonies to show official favor for one group over another runs afoul of the First Amendment’s “establishment clause,” which prohibits the establishment of an official religion, or from sending signals that some faith groups or views are preferred over others by government.

That’s why the courts won’t permit sectarian prayers in public schools, and why we no longer have manger scenes at Christmas time in front of city hall. That’s also why Roy Moore, the virulently anti-gay chief justice of the Alabama Supreme Court, was booted from office after he insisted on a Ten Commandments monument in the courthouse rotunda.

To be fair, it is partly Obama and Warren’s fault that church and state are entangled here. The president-elect’s decision to include inaugural prayers at all, while noncontroversial and in keeping with tradition, opened the door to this debate. What’s more, marriage as an institution is a conflation of church and state, “vesting power” in ministers to officiate at a religious ceremony with civil legal effect.

Warren makes matters worse by basing his opposition to gay marriage and support for Proposition 8 on his own religious beliefs about homosexuality. If you think about it, exclusionary marriage laws are also contrary to the First Amendment, since the primary intent -- repeated by politicians and pastors alike – is to preserve “the sanctity of marriage.” The government ought not be choosing which faith group’s views about marriage will be enshrined in the law or excluded from public ceremonies.

Those of us so exorcised by the idea of Warren saying a two-minute prayer would be much better served by arguing for church-state separation, in marriage laws and public ceremonies, than by demanding the president-elect show favor to friendlier religious beliefs.

Chris Crain is former editor of the Washington Blade and five other gay publications and now edits GayNewsWatch.com. He can be reached via his blog at www.citizencrain.com

__________________________________________________

Check out: Deals on Honda cars, Lucky Ebay Website, Mother's Wisdom, Credit Restore va, Credit Repair va, seo, f&i, Credit Blog

Check Dealer Pricing On a New Infiniti G37!

GO TO THE INFINITI SECRETS HOMEPAGE:

The Little Red Hen - Old story w/ this year's twist.

2008-11-05T15:04:00.000-08:00

THE LITTLE RED HEN

The Little Red Hen called all of her neighbors together and said, 'If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat. Who will help me plant it?'

'Not I,' said the cow.

'Not I,' said the duck.

'Not I,' said the pig.

'Not I,' said the goose.

'Then I will do it by myself,' said the little red hen, and so she did. The wheat grew very tall and ripened into golden grain.

'Who will help me reap my wheat?' asked the little red hen.

'Not I,' said the duck..

'Out of my classification,' said the pig.

'I'd lose my seniority,' said the cow.

'I'd lose my unemployment compensation,' said the goose.

'Then I will do it by myself,' said the little red hen, and so she did.

At last it came time to bake the bread.

'Who will help me bake the bread?' asked the little red hen.

'That would be overtime for me,' said the cow.

'I'd lose my welfare benefits,' said the duck.

'I'm a dropout and never learned how,' said the pig.

'If I'm to be the only helper, that's discrimination,' said the goose.

'Then I will do it by myself,' said the little red hen.

She baked five loaves and held them up for all of her neighbors to see. They wanted some and, in fact, demanded a share. But the little red hen said, 'No, I shall eat all five loaves.'

'Excess profits!' cried the cow. (Nancy Pelosi)

'Capitalist leech!' screamed the duck. (Barbara Boxer)

'I demand equal rights!' yelled the goose. (Jesse Jackson)

The pig just grunted in disdain. (Ted Kennedy)

And they all painted 'Unfair!' picket signs and marched around and around the little red hen, shouting obscenities.

Then the farmer (Obama) came. He said to the little red hen, 'You must not be so greedy.'

'But I earned the bread,' said the little red hen.

'Exactly,' said Barack the farmer. 'That is what makes our free enterprise system so wonderful. Anyone in the barnyard can earn as much as he wants. But under our modern government regulations, the productive workers must divide the fruits of their labor with those who are lazy and idle.'

And they all lived happily ever after, including the little red hen, who smiled and clucked, 'I am grateful, for now I truly understand.'

But her neighbors became quite disappointed in her. She never again baked bread because she joined the 'party' and got her bread free. And all the Democrats smiled. 'Fairness' had been established.

Individual initiative had died, but nobody noticed; perhaps no one cared...so long as there was free bread that 'the rich' were paying for.

EPILOGUE:

Bill Clinton is getting $12 million for his memoirs.

Hillary got $8 million for hers.

That's $20 million for the memories from two people, who for eight years, repeatedly testified, under oath, that they couldn't remember anything.

IS THIS A GREAT BARNYARD OR WHAT?

Back to Mothers Wisdom Home Page:

2008-10-26T15:35:00.001-07:00

3 Tips to Choose the Best Credit Repair Service

By Link Robertson

Many credit repair services make it sound as if all you have to do is pay them and your credit report will be fixed. However this is not true, below is a criteria you should use when choosing a service.

Do Not Pay Large Fees

Many services will charge large upfront fees. Instead look for more standard rates such as $179 for a start up fee and then a monthly fee of $100 or less. Some services will charge per action, I do not suggest this as your fees can add up quickly to more than $100 / month.

Also you should avoid a company that says you must make a large upfront payment, these companies are typically not effective services and are looking to make a quick buck at your expense.

Look For Refunds Not Guarantees

Credit repair can not be guaranteed, esspecially upfront. This is similar to a defense attorney guaranteeing that you will be found innocent of a criminal charge - IT CAN NOT BE DONE

I strongly suggest you avoid any service that make a guarantee, instead look for a refund policy or warranty. Many good services will offer a refund if their service is ineffective or you are not satisfied.

BACK TO CREDIT RESTORATION ASSOCIATES WEBSITE:
Back to the CRA blog homepage:
About CRA:
CRA Resources:
Auto F&I Manager blog:
.
.

One of Abraham Lincoln's GREAT QUOTES

2008-10-25T18:18:00.000-07:00

"You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.

You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.

You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.

You cannot lift the wage earner up by pulling the wage payer down.

You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.

You cannot build character and courage by taking away men's initiative and independence. You cannot help men permanently by doing for them, what they could and should do for themselves."

Abraham Lincoln

BACK TO MOTHERS WISDOM HOMEPAGE:

Deals on Honda cars

Call Today for a Free Professional Credit Analysis.
Honest Credit Repair:
Credit Restoration Associates
Credit Repair va,
Credit Restoration va

Even God Enjoys a Good Laugh

2008-10-14T06:35:00.000-07:00

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:

1. He called everyone brother
2. He liked Gospel
3. He didn't get a fair trial

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:

1. He went into His Father's business
2. He lived at home until he was 33
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother
was sure He was God

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:

1. He talked with His hands
2. He had wine with His meals
3. He used olive oil

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:

1. He never cut His hair
2. He walked around barefoot all the time
3. He started a new religion

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:

1. He was at peace with nature
2. He ate a lot of fish
3. He talked about the Great Spirit

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:

1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:

1. He fed a crowd at a
moment's notice when there was virtually no food
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it
3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do

BACK TO MOTHERS WISDOM HOMEPAGE:

Deals on Honda cars

Call Today for a Free Professional Credit Analysis.
Honest Credit Repair:
Credit Restoration Associates
Credit Repair va,
Credit Restoration va

The Heaviest Element Known to Science Discovered

2008-10-09T13:02:00.000-07:00

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of morons promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Prayer can move mountains, why not Obama?

2008-09-30T21:59:00.000-07:00

This came to me from a dear friend and prayer warrior in Arizona - not only is she a strong Christian, but she has been involved in presidential campaigns back as far as Ronald Regan (maybe even before then - that's how long I have know her) - this is not some "internet circulating" email - it is from Elizabeth's own heart and well worth our heeding as Christians.

From: ELIZABETH ROHN-NELSON
Subject: Prayer can move mountains, why not Obama?

Being dismayed recently when a family member of mine said to me with great resignation that Obama will take the presidency. These words came from someone who in the past has been a
great prayer warrior.

What is happening was my question??? Why are we Christians settling and not issuing a battle cry and falling to our knees and taking our country back?

We allow ourselves to be stripped of the right to pray at school functions and in school, we have the 10 commandments removed from government places and are told we cannot pray in school, all the while providing public prayer places for Muslims. What in the world is going on and why are we being apathetic?

Why aren't we praying? Our God is a mighty God who is waiting patiently for us to raise our voices to heaven to stop the tide of the anti-Christ actions in our world today. Now we find we have a
charismatic candidate for president who does not respect our flag and refuses to wear one on his lapel except when it becomes politically expedient and whose own wife and pastor that he loves
profess to have strong anti-white feelings, and we sit back and say "it is a given, we can do nothing."

There has never been a time in 2000 years that we can do nothing, never a time that we must sit back and allow the evil in men's and women's hearts to take over our world. We should be very afraid because our apathy is leading us to perdition.

It is time for all Christian Americans to raise the battle cry and take our nation back. Maybe McCain on his own cannot defeat Obama, but our God can and He will if we take to our knees in prayer and
raise a mighty cry to the heavens to "Save us O Lord." We have the power t o change the course of this election and to keep a man as suspect as Barak Obama from leading our country to who knows
where with his message of "change" - a change which I fear will be away from our Christian ideals and away from Christ and further away from one nation under God.

We are great at passing stories and pictures around the internet, but where are our prayers and prayer warriors praying to stop this tide of Barak Obama? God parted the red sea, Jesus raised
himself from the dead, and we can bring our country back to its Christian roots and stop the move to the rise of Muslims in our country. We can stop our country from being "under Allah," but we must begin to pray, to pray as if our country and our lives depended on it, because they do. We can stop all these atrocities against God's commands that have taken root in our country through something as simple as sincere prayer, a call to God to deliver us, to forgive us our sins of apathy an d to protect us from the evil that is upon us.

Okay prayer warriors, here is your challenge, start those prayer chains. Get the spiritual power working on our behalf and stop Barak Obama the proper way, by calling on our God to save us
from the deception that charismatic preaching is using to lead us on the wrong path. Stop those who would take God out of our country and our government. Raise up good men to lead us and protect us.

George Bush is being buffeted because he has fought a holy war against the evils that attack us and we should not be surprised because a prophet is not honored in his own country. But we should not rest on our laurels and allow ourselves to be taken further off the path of Christianity and to have God removed from our presence in our schools, courts, government and businesses. Invite God into the fray. Ask that His power rest upon us and give us the victory. Ask him to raise up a mighty arm y to defend us and to protect our country as he did in days of old. Let us be victorious beginning NOW. The battle is His but we must call on Him without ceasing and unite our voices and hearts in prayer and fasting.

Please pass this around to all people of prayer that you know and maybe, just maybe a more eloquent person of prayer will write something better and more inspiring and even the rocks will
shout that Jesus is Lord and our Mighty God is with us, bringing the victory for us and ultimately for Him.
"Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

I Thess 5:16-18

Ol Butch

2008-09-26T20:33:00.000-07:00

John was in the fertilized egg business.

He had several hundred young layers
(hens), called 'pullets,'
and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records,
and any rooster not performing
went into the soup pot
and was replaced.

This took a lot of time,
so he bought some tiny bells
and attached them to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone,
so he could tell from a distance,
which rooster was performing.

Now, he could sit on the porch
And fill out an efficiency report
by just listening to the bells.

John's favorite rooster, old Butch,
was a very fine specimen,
but this morning he noticed
old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!

When he went to investigate,
he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets,
bells-a-ringing, but the pullets,
hearing the roosters coming,
could run for cover.

To John's amazement,
old Butch had his bell in his beak,
so it couldn't ring.

He'd sneak up on a pullet,
do his job and walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of old Butch,
he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair
and he became an overnight sensation
among the judges.

The result was the judges
not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize
but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.

Who else but a politician could figure out
how to win two of the most highly coveted awards
on our planet by being the best
at sneaking up on the populace
and screwing them
when they weren't paying attention.

Vote carefully this year,
the bells are not always audible.

Back to Mothers Blog Homepage:

You Can Always Tell....

2008-08-08T10:32:00.000-07:00

A woman in a hot air balloon realizes she is lost. She lowers her altitude and spots a man fishing from a boat below.

She shouts to him, 'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.'

The man consults his portable GPS and replies, 'You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

She rolls her eyes and says, 'You must be a Republican!'

'I am,' replies the man. 'How did you know?'

'Well,' answers the balloonist, 'Everything you tell me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you're not much help to me.'

The man smiles and responds, 'You must be a Democrat.'

'I am,' replies the balloonist. 'How did you know?'

'Well,' says the man, 'You don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault.

The Hut

2008-07-26T12:36:00.000-07:00

The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island.. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him. Every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions. One day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with smoke rolling up to the sky. He felt the worst had happened, and everything was lost. He was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger.

He cried out, 'God! How could you do this to me?' Early the next day, he was awakened by the sound of a ship approaching the island! It had come to rescue him! 'How did you know I was here?'

'We saw your smoke signal,' they replied.

The Moral of This Story:

It's easy to get discouraged when things are going bad, but we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of our pain and suffering. Remember that the next time your little hut seems to be burning to the ground. It just may be a smoke signal that summons the Grace of God.

I love this Doctor

2008-07-26T12:31:00.000-07:00

I recently asked several questions and here were his responses:

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste
them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart
will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of
your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat
chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).
And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of
vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that
means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the
goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If
you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about
food and diets.

And remember:

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly
used up, totally worn out and screaming'WOO HOO, What a Ride'

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition
and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting
nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and
suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills
you.

Learn Chinese in 5 minutes

2008-07-14T13:26:00.000-07:00

English - Chinese (You MUST read them aloud)

That's not right! - Sum Ting Wong
Are you harbouring a fugitive? - Hu Yu Hai Ding
See me ASAP - Kum Hia Nao
Small Horse - Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach? - Wai Yu So Tan
I bumped into a coffee table! - Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a face lift! - Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here! - Wai So Dim
I thought you were on a diet! - Wai Yu Mun Ching
This is a tow away zone! - No Pah King
Staying out of sight - Lei Ying Lo
He's cleaning his automobile - Wa Shing Ka
Your body odour is offensive - Yu Stin Ki Pu

PASS IT ALONG. DON'T LAUGH BY YOURSELF

Never save something for a special occasion

2008-07-03T16:59:00.001-07:00

A friend of mine opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up a silk paper wrapped package:

"This, - he said - isn't any ordinary package."

He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box.

"She got this the first time we went to New York , 8 or 9 years ago. She has never put it on, was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is it. He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothing he was taking to the funeral house, his wife had just died. He turned to me and said:

"Never save something for a special occasion. Every day in your life is a special occasion".

I still think those words changed my life.

Now I read more and clean less.

I sit on the porch without worrying about anything.

I spend more time with my family, and less at work.

I understood that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived through. I no longer keep anything. I use crystal glasses every day... I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket, if I feel like it .

I don't save my special perfume for special occasions ; I use it whenever I want to. The words "Someday..." and "One Day..." are fading away from my dictionary. If it's worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see, listen or do it now. I don't know what my friend's wife would have done if she knew she wouldn't be there the next morning, this nobody can tell. I think she might have called her relatives and closest friends. She might call old friends to make peace over past quarrels. I'd like to think she would go out for Chinese, her favorite food. It's these small things that I would regret not doing, if I knew my time had come.

I would regret it, because I would no longer see the friends I would meet, letters... that I wanted to write

"One of these days".

I would regret and feel sad, because I didn't say to my brother and sisters, son and daughters, not times enough at least, how much

I love them.

Now, I try not to delay, postpo ne or keep anything that could bring laughter and joy into our lives.. And, on each morning, I say to myself that this could be a special day..

Each day, each hour, each minute, is special.

If you got this, it's because someone cares for you and because, probably, there's someone you care about.

If you're too busy to send this out to other people and you say to yourself that you will send it "One of these days" , remember that "One day" is far away... or might never come...

No matter if yo u're superstitious or not, spend some time reading it.
It holds a useful message for the soul.

2008-07-03T16:53:00.000-07:00

Lessons in Life By Regina Brett

2008-06-22T12:08:00.000-07:00

For over 7 years, Regina Brett was a columnist at The Beacon Journal in Akron , Ohio During that time, she was diagnosed and successfully treated for breast cancer. Regina is now a columnist for The Plain Dealer in Cleveland , Ohio Her column runs on Sunday, Wednesday and Friday.'

Lessons in Life By Regina Brett

'To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolls over to 50 this week, so here's an update: '

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone, everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will chang e.

32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy i s a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don't ask, you don't get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God...

Unforgettable Signs - YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING!

2008-05-28T21:59:00.000-07:00

Anesthesiologist business card:
When you care enough to sleep with the very best.
**************************************

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
'Dr. Jones, at your cervix.'
**************************

In a Podiatrist's office:
'Time wounds all heels.'
**************************

On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
**************************

At a Proctologist's door:
'To expedite your visit please back in.'
**************************

On a Plumber's truck:
'We repair what your husband fixed.'
**************************

On another Plumber's truck:
'Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.'
**************************

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :
'Invite us to your next blowout.'
**************************

At a Towing company:
'We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.'
**************************

On an Electrician's truck:
'Let us remove your shorts.'
**************************

In a Nonsmoking Area:
'If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.'
**************************

On a Maternity Room door:
'Push. Push. Push.'
**************************

At an Optometrist's Office:
'If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.'
**************************

On a Taxidermist's window:
'We really know our stuff.'
**************************

On a Fence:
'Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!'
**************************

At a Car Dealership:
'The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.'
**************************

Outside a Muffler Shop:
'No appointment necessary. We hear you coming'
**************************

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
'Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!'
**************************

At the Electric Company
'We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be.'
**************************

In a Restaurant window:
'Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up.'
**************************

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
'Drive carefully. We'll wait.'
**************************

At a Propane Filling Station:
'Thank heaven for little grills.'
**************************

And don't forget the sign at a
Chicago
Radiator Shop:
'Best place in town to take a leak'

http://www.FortuneEbay.com

Wisdom from Mother

2008-05-06T05:39:00.000-07:00

I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION .
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to
the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT .
"Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY!
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA .
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER .
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13.. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY .
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE .
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS .
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM .
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Lessons From a Tailgater

2008-04-30T09:50:00.000-07:00

A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally.....I assumed you had stolen the car."

Priceless.

See why work at home moms love SBI!.

See why work at home moms love SBI!.

__________________________________________________
Bears in Chairs is the perfect gift!

Free Shipping! Custom Teddy Bear Gifts, Free Personalized for Family, Love, Sports and Professionals!

VICK's Vapor Rub

2008-04-23T16:31:00.000-07:00

VICK's Vapor Rub.

During a lecture on Essential Oils, they told us how the foot soles can absorb oils. Their example: Put garlic on your feet and within 20 minutes you can 'taste' it.

Some of us have used Vicks Vaporub for years for everything from chapped lips to sore toes and many body parts in between. But I've never heard of this. And don't laugh, it works 100% of the time, although the scientists who discovered it aren't sure why.

Vicks Vapor Rub, Travel Size (Pack of 18)

To stop night time coughing in a child (or adult as we found out personally), put Vicks Vaporub generously on the bottom of the feet at bedtime, then cover with socks. Even persistent, heavy, deep coughing will stop in about 5 minutes and stay stopped for many, many hours of relief.

Works 100% of the time and is more effective in children than even very strong prescription cough medicines. In addition it is extremely soothing and comforting and they will sleep soundly.

Just happened to tune in A.M. Radio and picked up this guy talking about why cough medicines in kids often do more harm than good, due to the chemical makeup of these strong drugs so, I listened. It was a surprise finding and found to be more effective than prescribed medicines for children at bedtime, in addition to have a soothing and calming effect on sick children who then went on to sleep soundly.

Vicks Inhaler .007 oz

My wife tried it on herself when she had a very deep constant and persistent cough a few weeks ago and it worked 100%! She said that it felt like a warm blanket had enveloped her, coughing stopped in a few minutes and believe me, this was a deep, (incredibly annoying!) every few seconds uncontrollable cough, and she slept cough-free for hours every night that she used it.

If you have grandchildren, pass this on. If you end up sick, try it yourself and you will be absolutely amazed at how it works.

*** Mothers Wisdom blog is not employed by Vicks, although we do receive a small comission if you buy a supply of it at our store: Click on the links below

See why work at home moms love SBI!.

See why work at home moms love SBI!.

_______________________________________________

Get Pre-Approved before going into the dealership.

_______________________________________________

The poem

2008-04-19T14:52:00.000-07:00

Around the corner I have a friend,

In this great city that has no end,

Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,

And before I know it, a year is gone.

And I never see my old friends face,

For life is a swift and terrible race.

He knows I like him just as well,

As in the days when I rang his bell.

And he rang mine but we were younger then,

And now we are busy, tired men.

Tired of playing a foolish game,

Tired of trying to make a name.

'Tomorrow' I say! 'I will call on Jim

Just to show that I'm thinking of him.'

But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,

And distance between us grows and grows.

Around the corner, yet miles away,

'Here's a telegram sir,' 'Jim died today.'

And that's what we get and deserve in the end.

Around the corner, a vanished friend.

Remember to always say what you mean.

If you love someone, tell them.

Don't be afraid to express yourself.

Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you.

Because when you decide that it is the right time it might
be too late.

Seize the day. Never have regret.

And most importantly, stay close to your friends
and family, for they have helped

make you the person that you are today.

__________________________________________________

Mothers Day Sale at Buy.com

W.O.R.K.

2008-04-19T14:43:00.000-07:00

The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly
contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by
hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weary Overload
Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of
your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH
IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should
come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.

Take two good friends to the nearest grocery store and purchase one or
both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and
Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote
repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If
you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is
controlling your life.

Ha Ha Ha.

___________________________________________________

Mothers Day Sale at Buy.com

The Beauty of Math

2008-04-19T14:37:00.000-07:00

The Beauty of Math

1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111

9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

Brilliant, isn't it?

And look at this symmetry:

1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111=12345678987654321

Now, take a look at this...

101%
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:

What Equals 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been in situations where someone wants you to GIVE OVER 100%.

How about ACHIEVING 101%?

What equals 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help answer these Questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

If:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R- K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

And:
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But:
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

THEN, look how far the love of God will take you:
L-O-V-E-O-F-G-O-D
12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%

Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:

While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, Attitude will Get you there,

It's the Love of God that will put you over the top!

It's up to you if you share this with your friends & loved ones just the way I did.

Have a nice day & God bless!!!

___________________________________________________

Attend the Mothers Day Sale at Buy.com:

A Penny on the Sidewalk

2008-04-12T12:41:00.000-07:00

You always hear the usual stories of pennies on the sidewalk being good luck, gifts from angels, etc. This is the first time I've ever heard this twist on the story. Gives you something to think about.

Several years ago, a friend of mine and her husband were invited to spend the weekend at the husband's employer's home. My friend, Arlene, was nervous about the weekend. The boss was very wealthy, with a fine home on the waterway, and cars costing more than her house.

The first day and evening went well, and Arlene was delighted to have this rare glimpse into how the very wealthy live. The husband's employer was quite generous as a host, and took them to the finest restaurants. Arlene knew she would never have the opportunity to indulge in this kind of extravagance again, so was enjoying herself immensely.

As the three of them were about to enter an exclusive restaurant that evening, the boss was walking slightly ahead of Arlene and her husband. He stopped suddenly, looking down on the pavement for a long, silent moment.

Arlene wondered if she was supposed to pass him. There was nothing on the ground except a single darkened penny that someone had dropped, and a few cigarette butts Still silent, the man reached down and picked up the penny.

He held it up and smiled, then put it in his pocket as if he had found a great treasure. How absurd! What need did this man have for a single penny? Why would he even take the time to stop and pick it up?

Throughout dinner, the entire scene nagged at her. Finally, she could stand it no longer. She casually mentioned that her daughter once had a coin collection, and asked if the penny he had found had been of some value.

A smile crept across the man's face as he reached into his pocket for the penny and held it out for her to see. She had seen many pennies before! What was the point of this?

"Look at it." He said. "Read what it says." She read the words " United States of America "
"No, not that; read further."
"One cent?" "No, keep reading."
"In God we Trust?" "Yes!" "And?"
"And if I trust in God, the name of God is holy, even on a coin. Whenever I find a coin I see that inscription. It is written on every single Un ited States coin, but we never seem to notice it! God drops a message right in front of me telling me to trust Him? Who am I to pass it by? When I see a coin, I pray, I stop to see if my trust IS in God at that moment. I pick the coin up as a response to God; that I do trust in Him. For a short time, at least, I cherish it as if it were gold. I think it is God's way of starting a conversation with me. Lucky for me, God is patient and pennies are plentiful!

When I was out shopping today, I found a penny on the sidewalk. I stopped and picked it up, and realized that I had been worrying and fretting in my mind about things I cannot change. I read the words, "In God We Trust," and had to laugh. Yes, God, I get the message.

It seems that I have been finding an inordinate number of pennies in the last few months, but then, pennies are plentiful! And, God is patient..

See why work at home moms love SBI!.

See why work at home moms love SBI...

__________________________________________________
Bears in Chairs is the perfect gift!

Free Shipping! Custom Teddy Bear Gifts, Free Personalized for Family, Love, Sports and Professionals!

HAPPY EASTER!

2008-03-21T16:00:00.001-07:00

ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE,
I LEARNED FROM THE EASTER BUNNY.

Don't put all of your eggs in one basket.

Walk softly and carry a big carrot.

Everyone needs a friend who is all ears.

There's no such thing as too much candy.

All work and no play can make you a basket case.

Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day.

Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits.

Keep your paws off other people's jellybeans.

Good things come in small sugar-coated packages.

The grass is always greener in someone else's basket.

An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare.

To show your true colors, you have to come out of your shell.

__________________________________________________
Bears in Chairs is the perfect gift!

Free Shipping! Custom Teddy Bear Gifts, Free Personalized for Family, Love, Sports and Professionals!

One of the best blessings one could ever bestow

2008-03-18T20:58:00.000-07:00

Recently, I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure.

Standing near the security gate, they hugged, and the mother said, "I love you, and I wish you enough."

The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom."

They kissed, and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy, but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?"

Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?"

"I am old, and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead, and the reality is - her next trip back will be for my funeral," she said.

"When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?"

She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and she smiled even more. "When we said, 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them"

Then, turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude
bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

Then, she began to cry, and walked away.

They say, it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but an entire life to forget them.

Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are

2008-03-10T17:31:00.000-07:00

Who's poor??

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to
the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live.

They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be
considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the
trip?"

"It was great, Dad."

"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.

"Oh yeah," said the son.

"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.

The son answered:

"I saw that we have one dog and they had four.

We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a
creek that has no end.

We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night

Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.

We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go
beyond our sight.

We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.

We buy our food, but they grow theirs.

We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to
protect them."

The boy's father was speechless.

Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."

I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. Was Kyle a nerd?

2008-02-23T13:19:00.000-08:00

One day, when I was a freshman in high school,

I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school.

His name was Kyle.

It looked like he was carrying all of his books.

I thought to myself, 'Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday?
He must really be a nerd.'

I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.

As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him.

They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt.

His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him

He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes

My heart went ou t to him. So, I jogged over to him as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye.

As I handed him his glasses, I said, 'Those guys are jerks'.

They really should get lives.

He looked at me and said, 'Hey thanks!'

There was a big smile on his face.

It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.

I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived.

As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked h im why I had never seen him before.

He said he had gone to private school before now.

I would have never hung out with a private school kid befo re.

We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books.

He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.

I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends

He said yes.

We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.

Monday morning came! , and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again.

I stopped him and said, 'Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!

' He just laughed ! and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends.

When we were seniors, we began to think about college.

Kyle decided on Georgetown , and I was going to Duke.

I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem.

He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship.

Kyle was valedictorian of our class.

I teased him all the time about being a nerd.

He had to prepare a speech for graduation.

I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak

Graduation day, I saw Kyle.

He looked great.

He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school.

He filled out and actually looked good in glasses.

He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him.

Boy, sometimes I was jealous!
Today was one of those days.

I could see that he was nervous about his speech.

So, I smacked him on the back and said, 'Hey, big guy, you'll be great!'

He loo ked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled.

' Thanks,' he said

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began

'Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years.

Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends...

I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them.

I am going to tell you a story.'

I just looked at my friend w ith disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met.

He had planned to kill himself over the weekend.

He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.

He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.

'Thankfully, I was saved.

My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.'

I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment.

I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile.

Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions.

With one small gesture you can change a person's life.

For better or for worse.

God puts us all in each others lives to impact one another in some way.

Look for God in others.

You now have two choices, you can:

There is no beginning or end.. Yesterday is history.

Tomorrow is a mystery.

Today is a gift.

The Eye of God - very rare!

2008-02-23T12:28:00.000-08:00

Dear All:

This photo is a very rare one, taken by NASA. This kind of event occurs once in 3000years.

This photo has done miracles in many lives.

This is a picture NASA took with the Hubbell telescope
Called "The Eye of God."

Too awesome !!!

Slow Dance

2008-02-19T16:08:00.000-08:00

This poem was written by a terminally ill young girl in a New York Hospital.

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids

On a merry-go-round?

Or listened to the rain

Slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?

Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down.

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

Do you run through each day

On the fly?

When you ask How are you?

Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done!

Do you lie in your bed

With the next hundred chores

Running through your head?

You'd better slow down

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

Ever told your child,

We'll do it tomorrow?

And in your haste,

Not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch,

Let a good friendship die

Cause you never had time

To call and say,'Hi'

You'd better slow down.

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere

You miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day,

It is like an unopened gift..

Thrown away.

Life is not a race.

Do take it slower

Hear the music

Before the song is over.

Dr. Dennis Shields, Professor
Department of Developmental and Molecular Biology
1300 Morris Park Avenue
Bronx, New York 10461

A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee

2008-02-17T14:00:00.000-08:00

You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about
her life and how things were so hard for her. She did
not know how she was going to make it and wanted to
give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It
seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three
pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon
the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in
the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed
ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without
saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners.
She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl.
She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.
Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a
bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, 'Tell me
what you see.'

'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied. Her mother
brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots.
She did...noting they were soft. The mother asked
the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling
off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the
coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich
aroma. The daughter then asked,'What does it mean,
mother?'

Her mother explained that each of these objects had
faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted
differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and
unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the
boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg
had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected
its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling
water, its inside became hardened. The ground
coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in
the boiling water, they had changed the water.

'Which are you?' she asked her daughter. 'When
adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond?
Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems
strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and
become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but
changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but
after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some
other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my
shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and
tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually
changes the hot water, the very circumstance that
brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases
the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean,
when things are at their wor st, you get better and
change the situation around you. When the hour is the
darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate
yourself to another level? How do you handle
adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet,
enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to
keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best
of everything; they just make the most of everything
that comes along their way. The brightest future will
always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go
forward in life until you let go of your past failures
and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone
around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end,
you're the one who is smiling and everyone around
you is crying.

You might want to send this message to those people
who mean something to you (I JUST DID); to those who
have touched your life in one way or another; to those
who make you smile when you really need it; to those
who make you see the brighter side of things when you
are really down; to those whose friendship you
appreciate; to those who are so meaningful in your
life.

May we all be like COFFEE beans!

NAILS IN THE FENCE

2008-02-17T13:56:00.000-08:00

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all.

He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.

The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You

have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. But It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound will still be there. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Remember that friends are very rare jewels, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us."

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's!!

2008-02-13T08:17:00.000-08:00

Those born 1920-1979

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's!!

First, we survived being born to mothers who

took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank Kool-aid made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because,

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day.And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes A fter running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or chat rooms......

WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not poke out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little Lea gue had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, proble m solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

If YOU are one of them CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good .

While you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave (and lucky) their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!

The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:

"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"

For those that prefer to think that God is not watching over us...go ahead and delete this.

For the rest of us...pass it on

LESSON OF THE DAY - NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER

2008-02-06T03:26:00.000-08:00

HAVING MOM OVER FOR DINNER

You don't even have to be a mother to enjoy this one...

Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's roommate, Jennifer, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.'

About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?'

Brian said, 'Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure. So he sat down and wrote:
___________________________________________________________
Dear Mom,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Brian
___________________________________________________________

Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read:
___________________________________________________________

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love, Mom

LESSON OF THE DAY - NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER

It depends on how long you try to hold it.

2008-02-06T03:22:00.000-08:00

A lecturer when explaining stress management to an audience,
Raised a glass of water and asked

"How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.

The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter.
It depends on how long you try to hold it.

If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.

If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.

If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.

In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

He continued,

"And that's the way it is with stress management.

If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later,

As the burden becomes increasingly heavy,

We won't be able to carry on. "

"As with the glass of water,

You have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again.

When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden."

"So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down.

Don't carry it home!
You can pick it up tomorrow.

Whatever burdens you're carrying now,

Let them down for a moment if you can."

So, my friend, Put down anything that may be a burden to you right now.

Don't pick it up again until after you've rested a while.

Here are some great ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

* Accept that some days you're the pigeon,
And some days you're the statue.

* Always keep your words soft and sweet,
Just in case you have to eat them.

* Always read stuff that will make you look good
If you die in the middle of it.

* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be
Recalled by their maker.

* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again,
It was probably worth it.

* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to be kind to others.

* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time,
Because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

* Nobody cares if you can't dance well.
Just get up and dance.

* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

* The second mouse gets the cheese.

* When everything's coming your way,
You're in the wrong lane.

* Birthdays are good for you.
The more you have, the longer you live.

* You may be only one person in the world,
But you may also be the world to one person.

* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

* We could learn a lot from crayons.. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

*A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today...I did.

Have a super day!

Why Parents Drink

2008-02-06T03:20:00.000-08:00

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick one day. Needing to have an urgent problem with one of the main computers resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. ' Hello ? '

'Is your daddy home?' he asked.

' Yes ,' whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?'

The child whispered, ' No .'

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, 'Is your Mommy there?' ' Yes '

'May I talk with her?' Again the small voice whispered, ' No '

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, 'Is anybody else there?'

' Yes ,' whispered the child, ' a policeman. '

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, 'May I speak with the policeman?'

' No, he's busy , ' whispered the child.

'Busy doing what?'

' Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman , ' came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background t hrough the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, 'What is that noise?'

' A helicopter ' answered the whispering voice.

'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered,

' The search team just landed a helicopter '

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, 'What are they searching for?'

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...

' ME . '

Learn how to project confidence

2008-02-06T03:03:00.000-08:00

A good article to learn from and to forward to your kids.

When discussing face-to-face interactions, confidence -- not power -- may be the ultimate aphrodisiac or relationship-builder because of the way it so smoothly puts others at ease, often without them even knowing it.

When people perceive confidence in another person, it is rarely because the person projecting confidence is deliberately drawing attention to himself by, for example, talking about himself in some fashion. Gloating is usually perceived as arrogance , not confidence. Rather, a confident person feels no need to assert himself or his qualities unnecessarily; he projects confidence by directing his focus and attention outward.

This is the impression we are going for in the following four steps on how to project confidence. These steps were designed to be used in situations that demand you to appear confident, such as during a job interview, when giving a presentation at work or when youâ€™re simply approaching a woman.

step 1

Spruce up your appearance

Go beyond simply being presentable. Take the necessary steps to make yourself feel like you look completely tip-top for the occasion -- and leave no room for feeling self-conscious about something, such as pit odor, that could throw you off.

Situations that demand you to project confidence are never the best times to take chances with how you look. This is an instance in which the odds are not justified by the potential payoff. Confidence does not overtly draw attention to itself, but this is precisely what would happen if you gamble on your appearance.

Bottom line: Craft your appearance so that, once you leave home, you never think about it again and are able to fully project confidence.

step 2

Keep your hands below "the line"

How many people project confidence while they incessantly fidget? This is the kind of superfluous behavior that draws negative attention to you.

To keep this unstrung fidgeting to a minimum, establish an invisible line somewhere around your torso and keep your hands below it. The line shouldn't be so low that you have to act unnatural; the point is to prevent yourself from touching your face, fiddling with your tie or exhibiting other evidence of nervousness.

Be careful not to become too preoccupied with remaining vigilant about this line. The point is to appear relaxed and unaffected, not rigid or self-conscious. If it means folding your hands together, do it -- unless it feels emasculating.

Bottom line: Keeping your hands tied down contributes to a calm, cool and collected poise.

step 3

Establish a focal point

Making eye contact is an excellent way to project confidence, but you might be uncomfortable doing so. When you speak or listen to another person, choose a spot on their face to focus on, somewhere near their eyes. You want to mimic looking in their eyes and appear to do it with consistency, without actually doing so. This point can be the eyebrows or between the eyes.

We all know that an inability to look someone in the eye projects a variety of negative responses -- namely distrust -- and we also know that looking someone too intensely in the eye can inspire a bit of creepiness . You want to strike a balance between being unafraid to look others square in the eye and being aware that overdoing it will garner absolutely no favors.

Bottom line: Our eyes transmit a myriad of emotions and intentions, sometimes when we're not aware of it. The goal here is to try to control those transmissions.

step 4

Stand by what you say

As soon as you make a declaration, internally resolve to stand by it. In other words, when the period appears at the end of your statement, cut yourself off from making any additions, amendments, corrections, or qualifying conditions. Self-assured people project confidence when their statements are said with conviction.

There is a fine line between conviction and stubbornness, so this shouldn't be taken to mean that you will defend whatever you say to the death . There are plenty of virtues in keeping an open mind, however, few things can eliminate our efforts to project confidence like waffling on the things we say, whether through backtracking, succumbing to outside disagreements, or simply buckling to your own lack of confidence. After speaking, you do not want to start humming and hawing and appearing generally indecisive, unless your goal is to rob yourself of credibility. In that case, congratulations -- you've achieved that dubious goal.

Bottom line: At the very least, this step will teach you to be discreet about the kinds of things that fly out of your mouth.

Two Garbage Bags

2008-02-06T03:02:00.001-08:00

A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement. Noticing this, a policeman stops her.

"Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."

"Dang!" says the little old lady....."I'd better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"

"Well, now, not so fast now," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no", says the little old lady.

"You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of Lambeau Field. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes and right into my flower beds! So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say $20 or off it comes!"

"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well," says the little old lady, "some guys think I'm bluffing."

Credit Repair Services: Watch out for Loan Fraud

2008-02-06T02:55:00.000-08:00

For 95% of Americans, buying or refinancing your home is the most important, complex and stressful financial decision you’ll ever make.

Many mortgage companies, real estate appraisers, and realty professionals stand ready to help you get a dream house and a fantastic loan. However, you need to be aware of the home buying process to be a smart consumer.

Every year, misinformed home-buyers, often first-time purchasers or trust worthy consumers, become victims of loan fraud.

Do not allow this to ruin your most important financial decision! Here are 11 Tips On Being A Smart Consumer:

1. Before you buy a home, attend a homeownership education course offered by the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD)-approved, non-profit counseling agencies. They will be a third party resource, with nothing invested, that you can get help from.

2. Interview several real estate professionals (agents), and ask for and check references before you select one to help you buy or sell a home. Interview them like you are hiring them as an employee of your business.

3. Get information about the prices of other homes in the neighborhood. Don’t be fooled into paying too much. In the past few years over-inflated values has become the number one fraudulent act committed.

4. Hire a properly qualified and licensed home inspector to carefully inspect the property before you are obligated to buy. Determine whether you or the seller is going to be responsible for paying for the repairs. If you have to pay for the repairs, determine whether or not you can afford to make them. Make sure the home inspector is hired by you and in no way knows the seller or real estate agent. You want an impartial third party to be looking out for your best interests.

5. Shop for a lender and compare costs. Be suspicious if anyone tries to steer you to just one lender. When you interview that lender ask for a good faith estimate and truth in lending, as they will break down the real costs.

6. Do NOT let anyone persuade you to make a false statement on your loan application, such as overstating your income, the source of your down-payment, failing to disclose the nature and amount of your debts, or even how long you have been employed. When you apply for a mortgage loan, every piece of information that you submit must be accurate and complete. Lying on a mortgage application is fraud and may result in criminal penalties.

7. Do NOT let anyone convince you to borrow more money than you know you can afford to repay. If you get behind on your payments, you risk losing your house and all of the money you put into your property. Also, if you get an adjustable rate mortgage so you can afford the house, make sure you can afford the maximum adjustment down the road.

8. Never sign a blank document or a document containing blanks. If information is inserted by someone else after you have signed, you may still be bound to the terms of the contract. Insert “N/A” (i.e., not applicable) or cross through any blanks.

9. Read everything carefully and ask questions. Do not sign anything that you don’t understand. Before signing, read your contract and loan agreement and ask quetions. When in doubt get and attorney or HUD agency to review them.

10. Be suspicious when the cost of a home improvement goes up if you don’t accept the contractor’s financing.

11. Be honest about your intention to occupy the house. Stating that you plan to live there when, in fact, you are not (because you intend to rent the house to someone else or fix it up and resell it) violates federal law and is a crime.

Watch out for Predatory Lending

In communities across America, people are losing their homes and their investments because of predatory lenders, appraisers, mortgage brokers and home improvement contractors who:

Sell properties for much more than they are worth using false appraisals.
Encourage borrowers to lie about their income, expenses, or cash available for down-payments in order to get a loan.

Knowingly lend more money than a borrower can afford to repay.
Charge high interest rates to borrowers based on their race or national origin and not on their credit history.

Charge fees for unnecessary or nonexistent products and services.
Pressure borrowers to accept higher-risk loans such as balloon loans, interest only payments, and steep pre-payment penalties.

Target vulnerable borrowers to cash-out refinances offers when they know borrowers are in need of cash due to medical, unemployment or debt problems.

“Strip” homeowners’ equity from their homes by convincing them to refinance again and again when there is no benefit to the borrower.

Use high pressure sales tactics to sell home improvements and then finance them at high interest rates.

What Tactics Do Predators Use?

A lender or investor tells you that they are your only chance of getting a loan or owning a home. You should be able to take your time to shop around and compare prices and houses.

The house you are buying costs a lot more than other homes in the neighborhood, but isn’t any bigger or better.

You are asked to sign a sales contract or loan documents that are blank or that contain information which is not true.

You are told that the Federal Housing Administration insurance protects you against property defects or loan fraud - it does not. The cost or loan terms at closing are not what you agreed to.

You are told that refinancing can solve your credit or money problems. You are told that you can only get a good deal on a home improvement if you finance it with a particular lender.

Original article link

Small bump in credit score could mean a cheaper loan

2008-02-06T02:27:00.000-08:00

Bob Tedeschi, New York Times

When lenders issued mortgages to anyone who asked, borrowers could largely ignore their credit scores, the most important and most incomprehensible determinant of a loan's interest rate.

But now that banks have tightened their lending standards considerably, borrowers must sometimes search for ways to eke out a point or two more on their credit scores to qualify for loans or for more favorable rates. Mortgage professionals say that some knowledge about the scoring system helps.

"Sometimes, I'll tell borrowers their score, and they'll start yelling at me," said Debra Killian, president of the Charter Oak Lending Group, a mortgage broker and lender in Danbury, Conn., who teaches courses on the credit-reporting industry. "And I have to explain I'm not the one who's generated the score."

The reports come from Experian, Equifax and TransUnion, credit bureaus that evaluate the financial-management abilities of millions of Americans.

Credit-card companies, utilities and other creditors send reports to the bureaus, which rely on software from the Fair Isaac Corp. (creator of the FICO score), along with their own, to grade a borrower on an ascending scale of 300 to 850.

The software is a black box of sorts, whose workings are known only to the companies involved. Each credit bureau will weigh certain factors differently - the number of late payments, for example, or the number of credit-card accounts open.

To account for those differences during the mortgage application process, loan officers review the scores from all three credit bureaus and base their loan offers on the middle number. If a couple - married or not - is jointly applying for a mortgage, the loan officer will choose the middle score of the partner with the lower score.

That score essentially dictates the loan terms that a lender offers. For instance, a borrower with a credit score of 699 will often get a higher interest rate than a borrower with a score of 700. And the higher the interest rate, the bigger the broker's commission from the lender, known in the industry as a yield-spread premium.

That is why, mortgage executives said, borrowers should be proactive about this part of the mortgage process. Killian of Charter Oak said borrowers should ask the broker or lender to explain how their score changes the terms of the transaction.

Brokers buy reports from services that supply data from the three credit bureaus, and each report gives details about items that adversely affect a score.

If a consumer wishes to challenge such items, credit bureaus will do so on the consumer's behalf, or consumers can also call or write creditors directly. Credit-repair services can also help, although people should review their terms carefully because they are popular fronts for scam artists.

This article appeared on page K - 9 of the San Francisco Chronicle

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

2008-02-04T05:21:00.000-08:00

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about on ly ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:

'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'

But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten
the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, pla y and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service.

Don't let a gunless robbery turn your credit rating into a nightmare

2008-02-02T07:20:00.000-08:00

JOHN F. WASIK

I was the victim of a form of identity theft - twice.

I'm not particularly proud of this fact. On both occasions, my credit card numbers were stolen. The first time, someone pilfered my account to ring up betting charges in Europe. The second time, the villain went on a shopping spree at an office-supply store.

Although I didn't have to pay for any of the fraudulent charges, I discovered there's a lot I could have done to prevent this from happening and avoid potential damage to my credit rating.

Due to the increased use of online shopping, tougher credit standards, and the relative ease of this felony - known as the "gunless robbery" - identity theft will get worse. Some 10 million people a year are victims, according to the Federal Trade Commission, resulting in $50 billion of lost business.

Todd Davis, chief executive of LifeLock
Inc., an identity-theft protection company in Tempe, Ariz., estimates that half of all such robberies are committed by organized crime. The other half are through "social engineering, that is, people like waiters and waitresses, dumpster divers going through trash, your friends and family."

What's vexing to consumers is the time lost in trying to repair their standing with credit agencies and fixing collateral damage.

The first time I was ripped off, my phone company mistakenly shut off my Internet and landlines because I was being billed to a credit card account that had to be closed.

The best way to prevent identity theft is to monitor your credit carefully:

Look at your credit report at least twice a year and well in advance of a major installment loan or mortgage application. You can do a cursory check of all three agencies at annualcreditreport.com.

Immediately report any errors and keep a close eye on whether any unauthorized applications for credit were opened recently. That's a red flag that someone may have stolen your data.

Don't offer your credit card or driver's license numbers to an organization you don't know and never provide your Social Security details unless it's absolutely required by a trusted firm.

If you want to get an extra layer of protection, enroll in extended fraud protection programs. They will scan your accounts and credit files constantly for unusual billing.

Want to take it a step further? Shred any documents or mail that may have account or personal information on it. Use "virtual" credit card numbers provided by your bank for online purchases, if available.

Should you discover that you have been victimized, notify your credit card company immediately and close your account. Also file a report with your local police department.

The bank will send you an affidavit to notarize for any charges you haven't incurred. Document the fraudulent ones and send it back immediately.

While filing an affidavit to note scam charges is part of the process, you need to follow up with credit bureaus to ensure these billings are taken out of their scorings. In other words, you need to see that they "rescore" once you have cleared up your accounts.

The larger problem with identity theft is that it may sabotage your credit standing. Say a thief uses your card number and charges more than your credit limit. That lowers your rating and may make you ineligible for loans.

Need credit immediately after fixing your record? Ask the credit bureaus to do "rapid" rescoring.

To lock down your credit information, you can request that a "freeze" be put on your file through the three major bureaus, Equifax, Experian, and TransUnion. This will prevent anyone from accessing your information.

Keep in mind that if you request a freeze, you will need to unfreeze before you apply for more credit.

"I wouldn't recommend a freeze unless you have a need for it," says Gerri Detweiler, a credit adviser with credit.com, a consumer website. "That would include going through a nasty divorce or dealing with a lost or stolen wallet."

John F. Wasik is a Bloomberg News columnist.

RETARDED GRANDPARENTS

2008-01-31T10:34:00.000-08:00

(This was actually reported by a teacher)

After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school.
One child wrote the following:

We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida . Now they live in a tin box and have
rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles and & get to wear name tags
because they don 't know who they are anymore.

They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats on.

At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting In it. He watches all day so
nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts.

Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night -- early birds.
Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck.

My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.

WHY WE LOVE CHILDREN SO MUCH

2008-01-31T10:32:00.000-08:00

1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm
summer evening when a woman in the convertible
ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my
5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom! That lady
isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his
teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The
opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily
those of his parents.'

3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of
the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she
asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.
'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right
now. She's hitting the bottle.'

4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself
in the women's locker room. When he was spotted,
the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing
towels and running for cover. The little boy watched
in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter,
haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an
elementary school, I was interrupted by a little
girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at
my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop?'
'Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report.
'My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask
the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her.
'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward
me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van
in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my
K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy
staring in at me 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he
asked. 'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked
at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he
said, 'What'd he do?'

7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches
to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.
When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned,
'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And why not, darling?'

'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church,
our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly
made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and
his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his versi on of what he thought his father always said:
'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.'

10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school.
'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother.
'I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!'

11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was
fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked
up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an
old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?' With astonishment in
the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's
underwear.'

This is really great information

2008-01-31T10:29:00.000-08:00

Everyone should take 5 minutes to read this. It may save your life or a loved one's life.

Crucial

Because of recent abductions

in daylight hours, refresh yourself

of these things to do

in an emergency situation...

This is for you,

and for you to share

with your wife,

your children,

everyone you know.

After reading these 9 crucial tips,

forward them to someone you care about.

It never hurts to be careful

in this crazy world we live in.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do :

The elbow is the strongest point

on your body.

If you are close enough to use it, do!

2. Learned this from a tourist guide

in New Orleans

If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse,

DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM.

Toss it away from you....

chances are that he is more interested

in your wallet and/or purse than you,

and he will go for the wallet/purse.

RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car,

kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole

and start waving like crazy.

The driver won't see you, but everybody else will.

This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars

after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit

(doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc.

DON'T DO THIS!)

The predator will be watching you, and this

is the perfect opportunity for him to get in

on the passenger side, put a gun to your head,

and tell you where to go.

AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR ,

LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.

If someone

is in the car

with a gun

to your head

DO NOT DRIVE OFF,

repeat:

DO NOT DRIVE OFF!

Instead gun the engine

and speed into anything, wrecking the car.

Your Air Bag will save you.

If the person is in the back seat

they will get the worst of it .

As soon as the car crashes

bail out and run.

It is better than having them find your body

in a remote location.

5. A few notes about getting

into your car in a parking lot,

or parking garage:

A.) Be aware:

look around you,

look into your car,

at the passenger side floor ,

and in the back seat

B.) If you are parked next to a big van,

enter your car from the passenger door.

Most serial killers attack their victims

by pulling them into their vans while the women

are attempting to get into their cars.

C.) Look at the car

parked on the driver's side of your vehicle,

and the passenger side.. If a male is sitting alone

in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back

into the mall, or work, and get a

guard/policeman to walk you back out.

IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator

instead of the stairs.

(Stairwells are horrible places to be alone

and the perfect crime spot.

This is especially true at NIGHT!)

7. If the predator has a gun

and you are not under his control,

ALWAYS RUN!

The predator will only hit you (a running target)

4 in 100 times; And even then,

it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ.

RUN, Preferably in a zig -zag pattern!

8. As women, we are always trying

to be sympathetic:

STOP

It may get you raped, or killed.

Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking,

well educated man, who ALWAYS played

on the sympathies of unsuspecting women.

He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often

asked "for help" into his vehicle or with his vehicle,

which is when he abducted
his next victim.

9. Another Safety Point:

Someone just told me that her friend heard

a crying baby on her porch the night before last,

and she called the police because it was late

and she thought it was weird. The police told her

"Whatever you do, DO NOT

open the door."

The lady then said that it sounded like the baby

had crawled near a window, and she was worried

that it would crawl to the street and get run over.

The policeman said, "We already have a unit on the way,

whatever you do, DO NOT open the door."

He told her that they think a serial killer

has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax

women out of their homes thinking that someone

dropped off a baby He said they have not verified it,

but have had several calls by women saying that

they hear baby's cries outside their doors

when they're home alone at night.

Please pass this on and DO NOT open the door

for a crying baby ----

This e-mail should probably be taken seriously because

the Crying Baby theory was mentioned on

America 's Most Wanted this past Saturday when they profiled

the serial killer in Louisiana

I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know.

It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle.

I was going to send this to the ladies only,

but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc.,

you may want to pass it onto them, as well.

Send this to any woman you know that may need

to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it

and it's better to be safe than sorry..

Four Steps to Memorize a Name

2008-01-31T10:25:00.003-08:00

Our names are so important to us. It’s on all our official documents, we answer proudly to it, we even learn to sign it with the flourish we think it merits. It’s flattering when someone remembers it -- and a little offensive when someone doesn’t:

The ability to recall other people's names is not only appreciated, it can also be both personally and professionally beneficial. Nonetheless, whether we meet 10 people or just one or two, we often have trouble remembering names -- despite their cultural importance. This occurs for a variety of reasons:

Names are exchanged at the beginning of a conversation and not at the end, which is when we’d be more likely to recall them. We’re not paying a whole lot of attention, perhaps because we think we have no reason or desire to remember them. Because the names themselves typically don’t mean anything other than to signify that particular person and to give them a "title."

This last reason may be the most significant. A guy tells you his name is John because his father’s name was John. Well, who’s his father to you? Nobody. But if a scrawny guy introduces himself as Fatty and says his parents were big Fatty Arbuckle fans, now we’re getting somewhere.

Normally you won’t be so lucky, so the best method for memorizing the names of others lays in the following 4-step process, alternating reinforcement with the use of mnemonic devices and observational connections.

step 1 Repeat the name in the introduction This is a basic and even obvious first step, but it demands inclusion. Doing so serves as the memory’s first reinforcement of the name, and it also happens to be good etiquette.

Thus, whether it is following an introduction by a third person or the introduction is initiated by you or the other person, repeat their name in a simple, direct way, such as, “Todd, is it?” or “Nice to meet you, Mary.” Don't over-annunciate the name or make it obvious that you are repeating it for memorization purposes. Just make sure that you throw in the name at the beginning of the introduction again, or pepper it throughout your discussion at opportune moments to remind yourself and keep your mind focused on the name.

step 2 Apply a suitable device Your next step is an internal one: Apply a mnemonic device to the name itself in a second effort at reinforcement. Here there are a number of options at your disposal. Which device you choose to use is whatever works best for you. Such a device may be most effective when it isn’t the most obvious, or when it asks your brain to operate in a manner to which it isn’t accustomed. Some options include:

Make a rhyme. Write it down. The simple act of jotting it down can be all you’ll need to memorize a name, although you may consider writing it down with your weaker hand. It won’t look pretty, but it’ll take longer and will demand more concentration. Spell the name backwards in your head. Similar to the aspect of a field sobriety test that asks you to recite the alphabet backwards, doing this requires an unconventional mental action and will have you concentrating on the name fully. step 3 Immediately put the name to work Use the name the first time you address the person beyond the introduction, such as, “So, Todd, Alex tells me…” or “Mary, did you say you went to Penn State?”

Here you run the risk of looking like a moron if you repeatedly use the name -- we’ve all met those people before -- so beyond some necessity, cut it off here until you say goodbye, and then employ the name one last time.

This type of repetition and reinforcement has merit: In the oral tradition of Homer’s Iliad, names are repeated regularly and are sometimes assigned descriptive epithets that help the listener associate certain traits with certain characters.

step 4 Make a physical connection Finally, keep in mind that our visual memory is strong; after all, you hear “I never forget a face” far more often than “I never forget a name.” So, in the final step, give that visual recollection the task of tagging the name together with some conspicuous or prominent aspect. A human face has yet to be born without some hook or tweak on which to hang your observational associations. For example:

Eyes (shape, color, expressiveness or emptiness, shiftiness, intensity); eyebrows (uni-brow, bushy, thin, arched); or a short forehead, a shocking chin, a dramatic double curve of the upper lip (called Cupid’s bow), or any distinguishing feature at all that you can tie to the name.
Should the face fail you, seek out other less ostensibly visual characteristics, such as manner of speaking (accent, lisp, nasal, good diction, loud, soft-spoken) or word choice (pretentious terms, odd synonyms, slang, cursing, using your name in excess).

forget me not

If all else fails, refer back to a Native American tradition used among the Lakota Sioux -- “Sara Sucks-her-lip,” “Neal So-much-nose-hair” or “Diana Doe-eyes” -- in which names were more like descriptions or headings, not simply designations. Names are harder to forget when you’ve visually merged a distinct physical trait to an otherwise forgettable name.

5 THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW YOUR CELL PHONE COULD DO

2008-01-19T12:42:00.000-08:00

Cell Phone Help 5 THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW YOUR CELL PHONE COULD DO

There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies. Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival.

Check out the things that you can do with it:

FIRST
Emergency
The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and Mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.

SECOND
Have you locked your keys in the car?
Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their cell phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to dri ve your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other 'remote' for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).
Editor's Note: It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a cell phone!'

THIRD
Hidden Battery Power
Imagine your cell battery is very low. To activate, press the keys
*3370# Your cell will restart with this reserve and the instrument
will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get
charged when you charge your cell next time.

FOURTH
How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?
To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your phone: * # 0 6 # A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. When your phone gets stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get
your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.
And Finally....

FIFTH
Free Directory Service for Cells
Cell phone companies are charging us $1.00 to $1.75 or more for 411 information calls when they don't have to. Most of us do not carry a telephone directory in our vehicle, which makes this situation even more of a problem. When you need to use the 411 information option, simply dial: (800) FREE 411, or (800) 373-3411 without incurring any charge at all. Program this into your cell phone now.

This is the kind of information people don't mind receiving, so pass it on to your family and friends.

To those of us who have children in our lives

2008-01-15T20:54:00.000-08:00

whether they are our own,

grandchildren,

nieces,

nephews,

or students...

Here is something to make you chuckle.

Whenever your children are out of control,

you can take comfort from the thought that

even God's omnipotence did not extend

to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth,

God created Adam and Eve.

And the first thing he said was

'DON'T !'

'Don't what? '

Adam replied.

'Don't eat the forbidden fruit.'

God said.

'Forbidden fruit?

We have forbidden fruit ?

Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit ! '

'No Way! '

'Yes way !'

'Do NOT eat the fruit! '

said God.

'Why ? '

'Because I am your Father and I said so ! '

God replied,

wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants.

A few minutes later,

God saw His children having an apple break

and He was ticked!

'Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit ? '

God asked.

'Uh huh,'

Adam replied.

'Then why did you? '

said the Father.

'I don't know,

said Eve.

'She started it! '

Adam said.

'Did not! '

'Did too! '

'DID NOT! '

Having had it with the two of them,

God's punishment was that Adam and Eve

should have children of their own.

Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY !

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it,

don't be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble raising children,

what makes you think it would be

a piece of cake for you?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!

1. You spend the first two years of their life

teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend

the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God's reward

for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why

some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you.

In fact,

they usually repeat word for word

what you shouldn't have said.

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties

is to remind yourself that there are children

more awful than your own.

6. We childproofed our homes,

but they are still getting in.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY:

Be nice to your kids.

They will choose your

nursing home one day.

AND FINALLY:

IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION

AND YOU GET A HEADACHE,

DO WHAT IT SAYS

ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:

'TAKE TWO ASPIRIN'

AND 'KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN'!!!!!

Can I borrow $25?

2008-01-11T19:30:00.000-08:00

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year
old son waiting for him at the door.

SON: 'Daddy, may I ask you a question?'
DAD: 'Yeah sure, what it is?' replied the man.
SON: 'Daddy, how much do you make an hour?'
DAD: 'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?' the
man said angrily.
SON: 'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an
hour?'
DAD: 'If you must know, I make $50 an hour.'
SON: 'Oh,' the little boy replied, with his head down.
SON: 'Daddy, may I please borrow $25?'

The father was furious, 'If the only reason you asked that is so you
can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then
you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why
you are being so selfish. I don't work hard everyday for such childish
frivolity's.' The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's
questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money? After
about an hour or so, the man had calmed down , and started to think:
Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $25.00 and
he really didn't ask for money very often. The man went to the door of
the little boy's room and opened the door. 'Are you asleep, son?' He
asked. 'No daddy, I'm awake,' replied the boy. 'I've been thinking,
maybe I was too hard on you earlier' said the man. 'It's been a long
day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $25 you
asked for.'

The little boy sat straight up, smiling. 'Oh, thank you daddy!'
He yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled
up bills. The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get
angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then
looked up at his father. 'Why do you want more money if you already
have some?' the father grumbled. Because I didn't have enough, but now
I do,' the little boy replied. 'Daddy, I have $50 now. Can I buy an
hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to
have dinner with you.'

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he
begged for his forgiveness. It's just a short reminder to all of you
working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our
fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to
us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $50 worth of
your time with someone you love.

If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily
replace us in a matter of hours. But the family & friends we leave
behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.

Can I Borrow $25?

"Love is like a river, never ending as it flows, but gets greater with time!"

God Bless

Sunset at the North Pole

2008-01-11T19:23:00.000-08:00

Sunset at the North Pole

2008-01-11T19:20:00.000-08:00

A scene you will probably never get to see, so take a moment and
enjoy it.

This is the sunset at the North Pole with the moon at its closest
point.

And, you also see the sun below the moon.

The Chinese have a saying that goes something like this:

"When someone shares with you something of value, you have an
obligation to share it with others!"

New Years Wishes 2008

2008-01-02T11:58:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year.

May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your cardiologist, your gastro-enterologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist, your plumber and the I.R.S.

May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs and your stocks not fall; and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count and your mortgage interest not rise.

May New Year's Eve find you seated around the table, together with your beloved family and cherished friends. May you find the food better, the environment quieter, the cost much cheaper, and the pleasure much more fulfilling than anything else you might ordinarily do that night.

May what you see in the mirror delight you, and what others see in you delight them. May someone love you enough to forgive your faults, be blind to your blemishes, and tell the world about your virtues.

May the telemarketers wait to make their sales calls until you finish dinner, may the commercials on TV not be louder than the program you have been watching, and may your check book and your budget balance - and include generous amounts for charity.

May you remember to say "I love you" at least once a day to your spouse, your child, your parent, your siblings; but not to your secretary, your nurse, your masseuse, your hairdresser or your tennis instructor.

And may we live in a world at peace and with the awareness of God's love in every sunset, every flower's unfolding petals, every baby's smile, every lover's kiss, and every wonderful, astonishing, miraculous beat of our heart.

Twinkies and Root Beer

2008-01-02T11:50:00.000-08:00

Twinkies and Root Beer

A little boy wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with Twinkies and a six-pack of Root Beer and he started his journey

When he had gone about three blocks, he met an elderly man. The man was sitting in the park just feeding some pigeons.

The boy sat down next to him and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the man looked hungry, so he offered him a Twinkie.

The man gratefully accepted it and smiled at boy. His smile was so pleasant that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered him a root beer.

Again, the man smiled at him. The boy was delighted! They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word.

As it grew dark, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave, but before he had gone more than a few steps, he turned around, ran back to the man, and gave him a hug. The man gave him his biggest smile ever.

When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later, his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked him, "What did you do today that made you so happy?

"He replied, "I had lunch with God." But before his mother could respond, he added, "You know what? God's got the most beautiful smile I've ever seen!"

Meanwhile, the elderly man, also radiant with joy, returned to his home. His son was stunned by the look of peace on his face and he asked," Dad, what did you do today that made you so happy?"

He replied, "I ate Twinkies in the park with God." However, before his son responded, he added," You know, he's much younger than I expected."

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Embrace all equally!

~author unknown~

Christmas with Louise

2008-01-02T11:19:00.000-08:00

This is an article submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinner. This won first prize.

Christmas with Louise

As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.

One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself.

I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?" "You're kidding me!" "Who would buy that?" Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour. Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for "Lovable Louise." She was at the bottom of the price scale.

To call Louise a "doll" took a huge leap of imagination. On Christmas Eve with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.

The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.

My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What the hell is that?" she asked. My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll." "Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped. I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. "Where are her clothes?", Granny continued. "Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran," Jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?" Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny, Hang on!"

My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, " Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I told him she was Jay's friend. A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.

The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants and Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car. It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.

Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health. Louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. I think Grandpa still calls her whenever he can get out of the house.

The Christmas Pagent

2007-12-27T15:05:00.000-08:00

You do not have to be a parent to enjoy this!

The Christmas Pageant

My husband and I had been happily
married (most of the time)
for five years
but hadn't been blessed with a baby.

I decided to do some serious
praying and promised God
that if he would give us a child,
I would be a perfect mother,
love it with all my heart
and raise it with His word
as my guide.

God answered my prayers
and blessed us with a son.

The next year God blessed us
with another son.

The following year,
He blessed us with
yet another son.

The year after that we
were blessed with a daughter.

My husband thought we'd
been blessed right into poverty.
We now had four children,
and the oldest was only
four years old.

I learned never to ask God
for anything unless I meant it.
As a minister once told me,
"If you pray for rain,
make sure you carry an umbrella."

I began reading a few verses
of the Bible to the children
each day as they lay in their cribs.

I was off to a good start.
God had entrusted me
with four children and
I didn't want to disappoint Him.

I tried to be patient the day
the children smashed
two dozen eggs on
the kitchen floor searching
for baby chicks.

I tried to be understanding...

when they started a hotel for
homeless frogs in the spare bedroom, although it took me nearly two hours
to catch all twenty-three frogs.

When my daughter poured
ketchup all over herself and
rolled up in a blanket to see
how it felt to be a hot dog,
I tried to see the humor
rather than the mess.

In spite of changing over
twenty-five thousand diapers,
never eating a hot meal
and never sleeping for more
than thirty minutes at a time,
I still thank God daily for my children.

While I couldn't keep my promise
to be a perfect mother -
I didn't even come close...
I did keep my promise
to raise them in the Word of God.

I knew I was missing the mark
just a little when I told
my daughter we were going
to church to w orship God,
and she wanted to bring
a bar of soap along to
"wash up" Jesus, too.

Something was lost
in the translation when
I explained that
God gave us everlasting life,
and my son thought it was
generous of God to give
us his "last wife."

My proudest moment came
during the children's
Christmas pageant.

My daughter was playing Mary,
two of my sons were shepherds
and my youngest son was a wise man.
This was their moment to shine.

My five-year-old shepherd
had practiced his line,
"We found the babe wrapped
in swaddling clothes."

But he was nervous and said,
"The baby was wrapped
in wrinkled clothes."

My four-year-old "Mary" said,
"That's not 'wrinkled clothes,' silly.

That's dirty, rotten clothes."

A wrestling match broke out
between Mary and the shepherd
and was stopped by an angel,
who bent her halo and lost
her left wing.

I slouched a little lower
in my seat when Mary
dropped the doll representing
Baby Jesus, and it bounced
down the aisle crying,
"Mama-mama."

Mary grabbed the doll,
wrapped it back up
and held it tightly as
the wise men arrived.

My other son stepped forward
wearing a bathrobe
and a paper crown,
knelt at the manger
and announced,
"We are the three wise men,
and we are bringing gifts
of gold,
common sense
and fur."

The congregation
dissolved into laughter,
and the pageant
got a standing ovation.

"I've never enjoyed a Christmas
program as much as this one,"
laughed the pastor,
wiping tears from his eyes.

"For the rest of my life,
I 'll never hear the
Christmas story without
thinking of
gold,
common sense
and fur."

"My children are my pride
and my joy and my greatest
blessing," I said as I dug
through my purse for an aspirin.

Jesus had no servants,
yet they called Him Master.

Had no degree,
yet they called Him Teacher.

Had no medicines,
yet they called Him Healer.

Had no army,
yet kings feared Him.

He won no military battles,
yet He conquered the world.

He committed no crime,
yet they crucified Him.

He was buried in a tomb,
yet He lives today.

Feel honored
to serve such a Leader
who loves us.

Like a Small Town

2007-12-27T12:19:00.000-08:00

I got this in my mail today and thought , How true this is !! We should be grateful for our blessings here.

Let’s not hurry and change into a large city to quickly. Even living in a small city we can forget to enjoy

The simple pleasures we have.

Like A Small Town
In A Hurry

Our lives have become increasingly fast-paced, and the effort to keep up often occupies all our time and attention. We are so busy rushing from point A to point B that we forget to enjoy the ride. We race to the store without noticing the leaves on the trees or the clouds in the sky. We go through the checkout line feeling too pressed to converse with the cashier or the other people in line. At the end of a day filled with this kind of frantic pace, we may begin to wonder what it is we do all these things for, if we don’t even have the time to occasionally stop and just take it all in.

Always being rushed and in a hurry doesn’t allow time for the soul to enjoy life, which is composed of small, ordinary moments, like watching snow fall from the sky, having a spontaneous conversation with a stranger, or lingering over a meal for several hours. Small towns and the people who live in them can teach us all a thing or two about living life to the fullest as a daily matter. City people have a tendency to think that their lives are full because they are doing so many different things, but in a small town, there tends to be more time left open to be spontaneous or take an extended moment of rest. This certainly doesn’t mean that we can’t live in a city and enjoy life fully—we can and do; it just takes a little more awareness.

One thing we can do, wherever we live, is bring awareness breaks into our day and take 10 minutes to simply look out the window and observe what’s happening outside. We might also choose to cultivate a relationship with someone we see regularly, such as a clerk at the convenience mart, a neighbor, or someone we see in the elevator at work. Taking time to have a conversation that is not necessary is a true luxury in this day and age, as is staring out the window. Participating in these acts of timelessness makes the biggest city in the world start to feel a little bit more like a small town.

Hot Chocolate Wisdom

2007-12-27T12:18:00.000-08:00

Subject: HOT CHOCOLATES are good, not the Containers.

A group of graduates, well established in their careers, were talking at a

reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired.

During their visit, the conversation turned to complaints about stress in

their work and lives. Offering his guests hot chocolate, the professor went

into the kitchen and returned with a large pot of hot chocolate and an

assortment of cups - porcelain, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some

expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the hot

chocolate.

When they all had a cup of hot chocolate in hand, the professor said:

"Notice that all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken, leaving behind

the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best

for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. The cup that

you're drinking from adds nothing to the quality of the hot chocolate. In

most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we

drink. What all of you really wanted was hot chocolate, not the cup; but you

consciously went for the best cups... And then you began eyeing each other's

cups.

Now consider this: Life is the hot chocolate; your job, money and position

in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life. The

cup you have does not define, nor change the quality of life you have.

Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the hot

chocolate God has provided us. God makes the hot chocolate, man chooses the

cups. The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make

the best of everything that they have. Live simply. Love generously. Care

deeply. Speak kindly. And enjoy your hot chocolate.

Five Important Lessons to Make You Think

2007-12-27T12:14:00.000-08:00

Five (5) lessons to make you think about the way we treat people.

1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.

During my second month of college, our professor
gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student
and had breezed through the questions until I read
the last one:

'What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?'

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the
cleaning woman several times. She was tall,
dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question
blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if
the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

'Absolutely,' said the professor. 'In your careers,
you will meet many people. All are significant. They
deserve your attention and care, even if all you do
is smile and say 'hello.'

I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her
name was Dorothy.

2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:3 0 p.m., an older African-American
woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway
trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had
broken down and she desperately needed a ride.
Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.
A young white man stopped to help her, generally
unheard of in those conflict-filled 60s. The man
took her to safety, helped her get assistance and
put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his
address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a
knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a
giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A
special note was attached..

It read:
'Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway
the other night. The rain drenched not only my
clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along.
Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying
husband's bedside just before he passed away... God
bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving
others.'

Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole.

3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve.

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less,
a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and
sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.

'How much is an ice cream sundae?' he asked.

'Fifty cents,' replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled is hand out of his pocket and
studied the coins in it.

'Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?' he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and the
waitress was growing impatient.

'Thirty-five cents,' she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins.

'I'll have the plain ice cream,' he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on
the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice
cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress
came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the
table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish,
were two nickels and five pennies
You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had
to have enough left to leave her a tip.

4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path.

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a
roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if
anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the
king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by
and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the
King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did
anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of
vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the
peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the
stone to the side of the road. After much pushing
and straining, he finally succeeded. After the
peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed
a purse lying in the road where the boulder had
been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note
from the King indicating that the gold was for the
person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The
peasant learned what many of us never understand!

Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a
hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who
was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only
chance of recovery appeared to be a blood
transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had
miraculously survived the same disease and had
developed the antibodies needed to combat the
illness. The doctor explained the situation to her
little brother, and asked the little boy if he would
be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a
deep breath and saying, 'Yes, I'll do it if it will
save her.' As the transfusion progressed, he lay in
bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did,
seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his
face grew pale and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a
trembling voice, 'Will I start to die right away?'

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the
doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his
sister all of his blood in order to save her.

'Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like you do when nobody's watching.'

NOW more than ever - Peace ... Pass It On

Wow.

Funny Signs

2007-12-27T12:11:00.000-08:00

Did I read that sign right?

TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)